Thursday 25th December 2014

So today has been a great Christmas day. :) :) :) 

I actually thought that Christmas Day was going to be pretty rubbish this year because I wasn't going to be able to eat. When it comes to Christmas I am a very traditional person, Christmas is all about spending time with family and one of the main things about the day is the Christmas dinner. The first year that I ever couldn't sit down and eat dinner with the family was back in 2011 and I remember that day very well because it is the one and only Christmas that I have ever felt depressed. It was extremely hard for me to sit and watch other people eat food so I had to remove myself from the table and go and sit in the living room but sitting in the living room listening to everyone else in the dining room left me feeling alone and very upset. Thankfully this year though I am still able to take liquids so what I did was puree the broth in the blender and then put it through the sieve to remove any bits that was left. It worked a treat so I was able to sit at the table everybody and eat a whole bowel of soup and I may have even had a cheeky glass of wine as well.

I have been blethering way to much about food so lets get on to other things now. 

I loved every single one of my gifts that I received this year. One of the things I that I love about my family is how much they understand the things I like. Okay I do write a Christmas list every year but I always get things that I don't have on my list and they always become firm favourites and I think to myself why didn't I put that on my list. 

The little furball also seems to be enjoying her Christmas present because she has been using quite a bit today. 

I am very sad that Christmas is over for another year, I really do wish that it could last longer because no matter how bad my health is I always feel happy at Christmas. 


Previous posts -  Wednesday 24th December                                                                      
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Wednesday 24th December 2014

This morning when I woke up I was feeling really sick so the baking got a bit delayed but I did manage to make the little mince pie cakes in the afternoon with the help from my mum. 

It was the first time using my Kitchen Aid mixer and all I can say is, it is worth every single penny. I am really pleased that I have finally found something that makes it possible for me to bake again, f**ck you chronic illnesses Leona will always find a way to win the battle. There was one thing I didn't get to make today and that was the Ginger Christmas cake because stupid me forgot to soak the dried fruit in the ginger wine on Tuesday. 

I must say that, looking after my sister with special needs, making the cakes and wrapping presents did take it out of me and by the end of the day I was feeling really tired and in pain but I felt really good about myself because I had a very productive day, I can't actually remember the last time I had a day like. There is just something about Christmas that makes all my troubles like the depression go away.


Previous posts -  Monday 22nd December
                           -  Bonus post: Merry Christmas Everyone                                                                                                                                                                       
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Merry Christmas Everyone!

This is a very quick post because I wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas!! and I really hope you have all had a wonderful pain free day. 

I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you all for taking the time to read my blog this year. It really means a lot to me and I really hope that my blog makes you feel less alone in your against these chronic illness and that it also shows you that you can still have a life even though you have an illness. 

Well that's it for this post, enjoy the rest of your day and remember to keep strong and keep fighting. xx

Previous post -  Monday 22nd December                                                                                                                                                                           Next post - Wednesday 24th December

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Monday 22nd December 2014

Let the busy week commence because this week is Christmas week!!! I absolutely love Christmas but jeez those last few days before the day are always the busiest for me. There is so much things that need to be done, presents need to wrapped and the chief baker aka me needs to do her baking. I was originally going to do my baking on Sunday but I changed my mind because there was no way that those little mince pie cakes would last until Christmas day so I have decided to make them on Christmas Eve which is probably a really stupid idea because guaranteed I will have forgotten to buy at least one of the ingredients but hey I like to live life dangerously. 

Another good thing about this Christmas is I hardly have to wrap any presents due to everyone buying there own presents this year. I love opening presents but I hate wrapping them because a) my wrapping skills are awful and b) my wee little fingers do not like having to do all that work (I get joint pain). All I have to wrap this year is a present for my mum, my sister and grandma, I normally do wrap up the present that I get for the cat (and yes I am a crazy cat lazy) but her present came in a cardboard box and she loves cardboard boxes so I will just leave in there and she can trail it out of the box herself. 


Previous post -  Thursday 18th December                                                                                                                                                                        Next post - Merry Christmas Everyone

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Thursday 18th December 2014

So since last Friday night I have been having the most horrendous chest pain again, it has got to one of the most horrible things about having oesophageal Crohn's (the other horrible thing is the stricture's). The type of pain that I always get is a crushing pain and it always goes from my diaphragm up to my collarbone but the one funny thing about it is that it doesn't make me short of breath. Maybe it's a good thing that it doesn't make me short of breath because that means that it is definitely not heart or lung related. 

At the end of last week, I delivered the Christmas food donation to my local cats protection and I was was very sad to learn that they are completely full. It really does make me very sad to hear that all these cats have no permanent home, without the cat's protection I would never have found the prefect cat for me. I would have another couple of cats in a heartbeat but I live in the family home and even though my parents love Snowball to bits they to do not want any more pets.

So Christmas came early for me this week and I got a Kitchen Aid mixer in the colour that I wanted!!! Crystal Blue.

I have been wanting this mixer for a very, very, very long time now and getting my hands on this baby means I can finally start baking again. I haven't been able to bake for such a long time now because all I had was a 20 year old hand held mixer and for a good while now I haven't had the physical strength to use it (if I did want to bake I had to rely on somebody to help me). I have already decided on two recipes that I am going to make, I plan to make mince pie cakes this weekend and then a Gingerbread Christmas cake for Christmas day. Even though I will not be able to eat the cakes myself I still love to bake, which I know sounds really weird but seeing family and friends enjoy my baking makes me very happy. 


Previous post -  Thursday 11th December                                                                                                                                                                                 Next post - 

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Thursday 11th December 2014

So the physical health problems are worse but my mental health issues are getting better which for me is the main thing because if my mental health is good it makes fighting the Crohn's and Dysphagia so much easier because I have lots of fighting spirit. About 4 weeks ago I decided to start reducing the dose of my anti-depressants but it's only now that I have started to notice the difference. I am starting to feel much more positive about life which is really good because I was honestly spending most of the time thinking why am I bothering with life, what is the point of life, now if the whole anxiety/agoraphobia issue thing could improve too then I would be extremely happy.

This week has so far been pretty rough with the Crohn's, on Monday I had an even higher stoma output then normal and I was feeling really sick, so sick to the point that I thought about draining off my stomach contents through my PEG tube because having these stricture's obviously means that I cannot be sick in the normal way. In the end I decided not to do it because I thought I am badly dehydrated already and I wasn't gagging or retching so my oesophagus wasn't in any danger of being injured. Thankfully things have slowly improved since Monday but the grumpy guts still like to throw a paddy every now and then. 

On Sunday I placed a rather large ordered from Pets at Home and it arrived today which I think was pretty quick for this time of year.

They were doing some great deals so I decided to take full advantage of them. I should probably say that all this food is not for my little furball, it is for my Local Cats Protection but Snowball did think it was all for her, lol. 

Every Christmas I like to make a food donation to my local cats protection as a thank you to them because without them I would never have got such a wonderful, loving cat. Without Snowball I would be very lost, she keeps me company when I am feeling ill and she makes me laugh when I feel depressed. 



Previous post -  Saturday 6th December                                                                                                                                                                 Next post - Thursday 18th December

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Saturday 6th December 2014

So this week has been a pretty crappy week and I think it may be time to cave in and pay a visit to the old GI ward. I really, really, really don't want to go because 

(a) I hate hospital's 

(b) The hospital that I go to is having a lot of bad press lately so I ain't exactly full of confidence  

(c) Christmas is just round the corner  

(d) They will probably put me on the evil meds that are steroids  

(e) I am scared that they will give me a PICC line and put me on TPN because I have lost 10kg in weight. 

Why is making these types of decisions are so hard? Why does the thought of going in hospital make me have panic attacks? Why can't life be easy.

So also this week my laptop power cord broke which is just great and it kind of ruined my plans for this week. This week is IBD Awareness Week and I planned to post lots of facts as well as other things about IBD on all my social media sites but I have really been struggling to do it because I am having to use my parents laptop which possibly has to be the worst laptop in the world. I use to complain about my laptop all the time but after using their one I don't think I will ever complain about my again, despite the struggle though I have managed to post at least one IBD fact a day on my twitter, facebook, tumblr, and google+. On Wednesday I did order a power cord from a seller on amazon but it hasn't arrived yet, I am a bit concerned about actually using it but the problem is that I have is Sony do not make computer's anymore so the only place that I could find power cords was amazon or ebay. I was going to buy the cheapest Apple MacBook Pro because I have been wanting one for ages plus they offer financing but the parents where like you should just buy a power cord because you will save yourself so much money which is true but I honestly do think I am going to buy a MacBook Pro at some point because it is much more suitable for the things that I do. 


Previous post -  Monday 24th November                                                                                                                                                                                     Next post - 

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Monday 24th November 2014

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am still having water work problems!! The stupid thing is my bladder cannot decide on what it's doing, some days it is completely fine and then other days it's very painful to pass urine. Now I know I said that I thought it was caused by the imodium instant tablet that I took but I am actually starting to wonder if it is cystitis (urine infection) because this problem has been going on for over a week now and you would think that if it had been a side effect of the tablet it would have gone away by now. I might just phone the health centre tomorrow and ask for a urine analysis kit and maybe they will give me the standard 3 day course of Trimethoprim (antibiotics).

I really need to get my butt in gear this week and start working through the to do list I have because if I don't I am going to run out of time to do things. I really have to go to Hobbycraft this week to get the things that I need to make Christmas cards for my parents, sister and Grandma. Going to the craft shop is probably going to be a struggle as it will be the furthest that I have been away from home and it will also be the busiest place I have been to since the start of this whole agoraphobia thing. I have to admit that just thinking about doing this scares the shit out of me but I need to push myself to do this because I really need to move forward with my life and I have loads of plans which I can not do at the moment because I can't go out of the house.


Previous post -  Thursday 20th November                                                                                                                                                                        Next post - Saturday 6th December

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Thursday 20th November 2014

Excuse the bad language but my stupid health is being a complete shit head again and this diary entry is probably going to end up being a complete and utter ramble, so I am sorry about that.  I felt really fatigued in the middle of last week to the point I could not function but that was honestly to be expected after I had to look after my sister with special needs from Monday to Wednesday (my parents wanted to go away for a few days). So from Wednesday to Saturday I had to have some relaxing, chill out days because I was really tired.

On the Sunday (16th) I had ran out of my prescribed liquid lopermide which is medication I use to slow down my ostomy/stoma output so I took some imodium instants which is an over the counter medication that I take when I am out and about because I don't like carrying around a bottle of lopermide because a: the bottle is made of glass and b: the bottles have a bad habit of leaking. A few after hours after I took one imodium instant tablet I started to have water works problems (bladder problems). I ended up in a lot of pain, I felt like I needed to pee all the time but I couldn't go and when I did pee it burned really bad. It's now 4 days later, I haven't taken anymore of the tablets but I am still having problems going the bathroom. Who knew that such a little tablet that I have had plenty times before could cause so many problems. 

This week I have also had to make an appointment at the health centre with my GP for the 4th of December because I have been having problems with my legs. For the past couple of weeks when I touch my legs they feel pretty numb, it goes all the way for my hips to my ankles but the weird thing is I don't have any problems with my balance and I can feel my legs when I am walking. It really doesn't make any sense to me because you would think that having numb legs would mean I would struggle to bear weight on my legs, I'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says at the appointment. 


Previous post -  Sunday 9th November                                                                                                                                                                            Next post - Monday 24th November

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Sunday 9th November 2014

So I spent most of my weekend trying to write a Christmas/Birthday list as it has come to that time of year where everyone wants to know what I want for Christmas. The thing is there is only one thing that I want for Christmas and that is a dog, a collie dog to be precise but the parents don't want any more pets so I am just going to have to wait until I get a place of my own and goodness knows when that will be. I know at the moment it looks very unlikely that I will ever have my own place to live as my career prospects don't look promising at the moment because the Crohn's and dysphagia doesn't not look like it is going to go away any time soon but I will never give up on my dream having my own house a collie dog. 


Previous post -  Thursday 6th November                                                                                                                                                                     Next post - Thursday 20th November

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Thursday 6th November 2014

So this week it is Leona 1 - Agrophobia 0. 

If you read my previous blog post you will know that I planned to go to the organised fireworks in the city, well I am very pleased to say that I managed to go. I may have sat in the car the whole time but that is not the point I managed to get of the house for over an hour and it's the furthest I have been away from the house (13 miles from home) since I came out of the hospital on 11th of April. I did find it extremely nerve racking, my legs turned to jelly and I was sweating like a pig but my desire to see the fireworks out weight the desire to be safe and stay at home. 

Going to the display meant that I was able to try out my new Canon 70D for the very first time. I did get some really  good photos but some of the other ones were a bit blurred but considering it was the first time using the camera and I was using it in the dark I got more good photos then I was expecting.

To see all the photographs that I took then click on this link - http://goo.gl/7CFg2L

I am really glad that I pushed myself through my anxiety/agoraphobia barrier because I really did enjoy it and I actually think I would have been very upset if I hadn't pushed myself to go. 


Previous post -  Tuesday 4th November                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Sunday 9th November

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Tuesday 4th November 2014

So things finally picked up for me mood wise since I  last wrote, I no longer feel depressed and I have got my old fighting spirit back. 

The grumpy guts are still playing up, I still have that pain on the right hand side that goes from above my ileostomy down to my hip. I am really starting to wonder if the pain is were the adhesion's are, I forgot to ask my GI doctor where they were when he told me about them. 

Tomorrow I have set myself a challenge and that is to go to the city and see the firework display that they put on for Bonfire Night, I have actually only ever missed one of display's and I would really like to keep it that way. Now you may be thinking how are you going to go to a very crowded place well I'm not, every time I go to the display I find a place to park the car that has view of the fireworks then sit in the car and watch them. It sounds very simple and easy to me at the moment but by tomorrow my brain will be thinking about the worst possible situations and then I will probably think that staying at home is what I should do because it's a safe place. 


Previous post - Tuesday 28th October                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Thursday 6th November

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Tuesday 28th October 2014

So since I last wrote things went really down hill with my physical health and it badly affected my mental health. 

The day after I wrote I ended up having a pretty bad Crohn's flare (because I have a bad form of crohn's I normally have some sort of flare everyday) which resulted in me having severe pain on the right hand side that went from above my ileostomy down to my hip. As well as the stomach pain I had really bad crushing chest and collar bone pain, for me the chest pain is always the worst, I really hate how my chest feels like it's being crushed because it's bloody scary. 

Due to having these physical health problems my mental health took a bit of a nose dive again. Saturday and Sunday were the worst days because I kind of lost the will to fight, which in turn meant I stopped taking care of myself properly. What didn't help the situation was those sleeping tablets, I shouldn't have taken them and I will probably never ever take them because they ended up giving me terrible nightmare's and I also kept seeing spiders which was absolutely horrible. 


Previous post - Thursday 23rd October                                                                                                                                                                    Next post - Tuesday 4th November

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Thursday 23rd October 2014

This week has been a mixed bag but more good things have happened then a bad so that a positive in itself. 

At the beginning of the week I had a mini meltdown due lack of sleep, so on Tuesday I bit the bullet and asked my GP (primary care physician) for some a couple of sleeping tablets. He ended up giving me a weeks supply of zoplicone which really doesn't work for me as they stop working after two doses and they also give me hallucinations, thankfully though the hallucinations are not as bad as the Ketamine pain medication ones. I did get those couple of good nights sleep that I had been badly wanting so now I am not as over tired but I still need to get a lot more sleep. When I was also on the phone to him I told him how every time I ordered a repeat prescription it said I needed to attend a review appointment at the health centre, so he sorted that issue out as well.

So yesterday I received my new camera, the Canon 70D. 

I cannot tell you how happy I am to have this baby in my possession. :) :) :) I also got an excellent deal with my camera, it came with a free canon camera bag, which will fit my new camera and two lenses and I also got a 32GB extreme SD card. 

Normally the bag and SD card would cost £88.99 but I got it for free which brill because I need a bag and SD card to put this camera in. 

Previous post - Sunday 19th October                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Tuesday 28th October

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Sunday 19th October 2014

By Friday all my new Halloween decorations arrived so I spent most of Friday putting them up. Now you may be thinking to yourself how can it take you most of the day to put up decorations in one room well when you are suffering badly with a chronic illness everything takes you twice as long to do. As soon as I start doing anything at the moment I start to feel sick and I also go from being constantly freezing cold to pouring with sweat but never mind about my health my Halloween decorating turned out great I actually think that this is best bit of Halloween decorating I have ever done. 

Also today I finally took the plunge and bought something that I have been wanting for a very, very, very long time now and that is the Canon 70D DLSR camera. I have been wanting to upgrade from my 550D for a while now because the 70D is a higher spec then my old DLSR but at over £800 it's a bit expensive. The thing is over the last 7 years I have come to realise that life is short and you only have one life so you need to do what you want now because when your time comes you don't want to look back at your life and have regrets. 


Previous post - Wednesday 15th October                                                                                                                                                                      Next post - 

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