Thursday 24th December 2015

So all the plans that I mentioned in my last post didn't really happen thanks to the stupid fatigue. 

The fatigue wouldn't have been this bad if they hadn't cancelled my damn portacath procedure. If I got the port I would have received the much needed iron infusion, my energy levels would have been better and I could have done everything that I wanted to do. There was an incident that happened this week that could have had serious consequences and it was all due to me falling asleep because I was so tired. This week wasn't a complete bust though I did manage to make Christmas biscuits with my sister who has Down's Syndrome and wrap my Christmas presents

One of the worst things about me is I am my own worst enemy. I set myself unrealistic goals and then get so mad at myself when I don't achieve those goals. I may have been chronically ill for 16 years now but sometimes I still struggle to admit to being a sick person. 



Previous post: Sunday 20th December

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Sunday 20th December 2015

Well what can I say it's been a very long time since I last wrote an there has been so many reasons for that but those things are in the past and it's time to start a fresh.

So this weekend as been all about me putting my feet up and catching up on some much needed sleep because this coming week is Christmas week and that equals crazy week. My plans for this week so far are to make meatball stroganoff, fruity biscotti, gingerbread cupcakes with salted caramel icing, Christmas biscuits and to wrap all my presents. I know that I am biting off way more then I can chew with all this but I made a decision way back in 2010 to go all out for all of my favourite holiday's after being told in 2009 that I might not see Christmas. 

My plan is to make the meatball stroganoff on Monday and also go to Pet's at Home to get the last few things for this years Christmas donation to the Cat's Protection. Then from Tuesday to Thursday I plan to bake once a day and wrap some presents, my hope is that by doing this my body has to time to relax each day and maybe it won't have a total utter melt down. 


Previous post: I had to take a break from blogging

Next post: Thursday 24th December         

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

I had to take a break

Hello my fellow warrior's, I hope you are all having a good day. 

As you may have noticed there has been no blog posts for a while and I want to apologise for that but I really had to take a break. I have develop more physical health problems (which I will do a blog post on) and I have also been struggling with my mental health. For some reason every year my depression is at it's worst in the Autumn months and despite being on anti-depressant medication I still struggle to find a reason to continue with my life.

Now with the Autumn months behind me the depression should start to get better and I hope to resume blogging this month. I do have some posts that I wrote way back in August which will be posted within the next week so keep yours eye peeled for those.

Well that's all I have to say really, thank you for reading this post and I love you all.  

Thursday 27th August 2015

Today I reached my breaking point and I couldn't do anymore physical things. My stomach, chest, back, arms and legs are all sore, I am so tired that I can't think straight and I can't go to the bathroom to pass urine because I am so dehydrated. I am trying to keep my mental health in check but it's hard when I feel like this. I just have to keep focused on the end goal, a brand new house in a place that I love to live and no more having to share a bathroom with 3 other people and if you are person with health issues that require you to use the bathroom a lot then you will understand how excited I am about this. 

Somebody asked me today if I was feeling sad about leaving this house and my honest answer is not really. The only thing that I am sad about is I won't have my good friends staying directly across the road from me. When we moved to this house I was 9 and my friends were 3 and 5, we have grown up together and the older we have gotten the closer we have grown because as you get older age difference doesn't really matter. With them living across the road I always knew that if I ever needed anything I could just pop across to their house and ask. Even though they are not going to be living across the road they live less then 5 minutes away.

Previous post -  Tuesday 25th August                                
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Tuesday 25th August 2015

I can't wait for this move to be over because I am now reaching my breaking point, I was struggling with fatigue before all this started but now it is the worst it has ever been. I am getting to sleep at night but when I wake up in the morning I feel like I haven't slept in days. I was suppose to go to the British Touring Cars at Knockhill this past Sunday but I made the decision not to go and as much as I HATED not going I know I made the right choice as a 17 hour day on top of everything that's going on I would probably have landed me in the hospital.

Even though I have a deadline to meet I am making sure to take some down time by reading a book and watching my favourite dvd's, Star Trek The Original Series. Something I have learnt over the past 15 years is that pushing yourself too much lands you in big trouble. 

Previous post -  Tuesday 18th August                                
                                                                                                Next post - Tuesday 27th August

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Tuesday 18th August 2015

It’s 3am in the morning so it’s technically Wednesday not Tuesday, I can’t get to sleep and I can’t concentrate on my book because I cannot switch off my brain. I am still struggling with my physical health as well as my mental health and my stress levels are going through the roof because I don’t what the right thing to do is.  

Phoning the GI doctors is probably the right thing to do but if the pelvic and hip pain is just being caused by the adhesions then there is nothing they can really do for them. If I was to go into hospital then I can’t pack and sort stuff out for moving in a week and a halves time. I know I live with my parents and they could pack for me but they have their own things to do, it’s not just the packing though there is Snowball to think about as well. We have made the decision to put her in the cattery from Friday morning to the Sunday morning but I really want to be here for her when she comes home, I hope that she does not become too stressed.


Previous post -  Sunday 16th August                                
                                                                                                Next post - Tuesday 25th August

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Sunday 16th August 2015

So my health has decided that it wants to cause even more problems than it normally does. Originally I put it down to hormones because I always feel icky when I get those times of the months but I think there might be something else going on even people, are starting to notice which is saying something. Over the years I have become very good at hiding how ill I am (thank god I for makeup) but it’s really hard to hide glassy, staring eyes.

Today the cramps have been quite low down in my stomach and it feels like I always need to go to the loo to pass urine even though I have just been. I have been taking my normal pain medication but it doesn’t help lessen the pain, thankfully heat does help so I think I will be spending a lot of time in the bath and have my heating pad on full blast.

Previous post -  Tuesday 11th August                                
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Tuesday 11th August 2015

So it’s been a week since our phone and broadband was cut off and it doesn’t look like it will be switched back on anytime soon despite my mother phoning them every day. It’s really ridiculous how my parents have been treated by this service provider; they have been with this company for 35 years and never missed a payment. My mum even explained to them how I had multiple health problems and require access to a phone at all times because if my health deteriorates I need to get in touch with the hospital, GP or even an ambulance ASAP but even that didn’t seem to make a difference.

It really is going to be a bummer that our internet won’t be back up and running before we move as I had planned to write a number of posts for my Being A Chronically Beautiful Girl and A Crohn’s Life blogs and then schedule them to upload when we moved because it will likely take a wee while for the internet to be set up in the new house. All I can really do now is write down the drafts on paper and when we get the broadband back type them up and post them.

Previous post -  Saturday 8th August                                
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Saturday 8th August 2015

I have been struggling really badly with depression since Wednesday and it’s all due to our internet being cut off, how sad is that? I never realised how much speaking to other chronic illness warriors on Twitter and Facebook helped me, it definitely makes me feel less alone and isolated. There is something else that it has made me realise and that is I spend way too much time on sites like YouTube and World of Tanks. It needs to stop, I love to read and make things so I should be doing that instead of being on the internet all the time. When did I become one of these people who sits on the computer all the time? That’s right when the shit hit the fan and I became agoraphobic.

The final thing that having no internet has made me realise is I only have a couple of friends outwith the internet world. I can only blame myself for having no friends, I tend to avoid speaking to people because they always like to ask questions like how are you doing and honestly that is my most hated question because try as they might people without a chronic illness do not understand what we go through. People like myself with Crohn’s will never get better unless there is a cure and even if there is a cure the damage has already been done to our bodies.

Previous post -  Friday 17th July                                
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Friday 17th July 2015

So there are two main things happening with me at the moment can you guess what they are? If you guessed Crohn’s problems and anxiety then you would be right. The last thing that I need now is worsening health problems because I need to go through all my stuff and get it packed up for moving in 6 week’s time.  

My main issues at the moment are fevers and really bad fatigue. The fevers aren’t too big of an issue for me because they happen so much these days and usually after a couple of doses of paracetamol it settles down but when it comes to fatigue there is no medication to make it better.

I decided to treat myself to some new books this week because when we move house in August we are going to be without internet for a while which means I am going to have plenty time on my hands because I will not be able to work on any of my blogs. I purchased 5 books with 4 of them being fantasy books as I am trying to broaden my horizons when it comes to the types of books that I read. 

I mainly read what you would call Chick-lit books but when I am on goodreads or book tube (YouTube channels about books) I see so many people raving and recommending fantasy books so they must be worth reading.

Previous post -  Saturday 5th July                                
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Saturday 5th July 2015

So I am finally able to tell you all that I am going to be moving house at the end of August, woohoo!!!!! 

I am still going to be living with my parents but hey what can you do when you are chronically ill and unemployed. I know that I sometimes complain about living at home with my parents but I honestly think I wouldn't be able to cope living by myself because on my sick days I can hardly do anything and it takes me all my time to go to the loo or take my medication when I am like that. I also don't think I would be happy living in on my own, as much as I love peace and quiet I am also one of these people who has to have some face to face interaction every day because if I don't those lonely feelings start to kick in. 

I have decided that I am going to treat this moving house like a fresh start. I have lived in this current house since I was 9 years old, I was living in this house when diagnosed with Crohn's and when I was at my sickest so there is a lot of bad memories here but there is some good memories too so it will be sad to leave. 

The thing that I most looking forward to about moving is my bedroom has an en-suite which is frickin awesome. Every house I have lived in since I was born has only had one bathroom and if you are a fellow IBDer you will understand how much of a problem this is but it will be a problem no more after August. 

Previous post -  Monday 15th June                                 
                                                                                                       Next post - Friday 17th July

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads

Monday 15th June 2015

So I took a drastic measure this week to help with my toothache, I took some metronidazole (antibiotics) that I found in the cupboard. I know you should not do things like that but I was in so much pain and I was really starting to think that I had developed an abscess. The funny thing is I took one tablet a day for a couple of days and by Friday the pain had completely disappeared..

Of course because I was feeling so down in the dumps with the toothache I turned to my guaranteed pick me up, online shopping. For a while now I have been thinking about getting back into painting and drawing so I purchased sketching pencils, charcoal, watercolour paints, paint brushes and watercolour paint paper. 

I am not amazing at art which I think is one of the reasons why I stopped but the thing is I find it very therapeutic, I become so engrossed with what I am doing that I forget about the pain and stress going on in my life. If you are struggling I recommend that you give art a go.


I also made another purchase this past week.

This is the very first time I have purchased an iPhone and I have to admit it took me a long time to make the decision to buy this phone because it was £539! I have always been an android girl but because I always hear people raving about the iPhone it has made me want to try at least one in my lifetime. I have now had the phone for 3 days and I am really happy with it but of course it is still early days but at the moment I wouldn't go back to an android.  


Previous post - Monday 9th June 2015                                      
                                                                                                      Next post - Sunday 5th July

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Disclaimer: What I did was wrong you should never take medication unless it is prescribed by your doctor. So don't take unprescribe medication.

Monday 8th June 2015

I am absolutely exhausted x 2, my parents were away from Saturday until today so that meant I was looking after my younger sister with Down's Syndrome and of course I had Miss Snowball the cat to look after too. I don't mind looking after my sister but every time I seem to look after her I am finding it more tiring, I really hope that this is just a sign of worsening anaemia and not something that is going to become permanent because that is going to be a serious issue.

Over the weekend I also developed this horrendous toothache or should I say root ache because that's all I have left of my top front teeth. The pain wasn't that bad on Saturday and it cleared up after one dose of paracetamol but I woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning in terrible pain and despite taking the maximum of dose of pain meds the pain is still there. I think it must be over a month now since I asked my dentist to refer me to the maxillofacial department to get these roots removed at the hospital but I haven't heard anything from either of them but that's not unusual when it comes to the National Health Service.


Previous post - Sunday 31st June                                           
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 31st May 2015

This week has been rough to the point that I nearly caved in and phoned the hospital so that shows you how bad things have been because this girl goes no where near a hospital unless I am really unwell or in extreme pain. You would actually think that after 15 and 1/2 years I wouldn't be so freaked out about going into hospital but I will happily admit that I am a big scaredy cat when it comes to going in. 

The main problem that I have been having are related to this stupid small bowel to cervix fistula, it has been leaking a good bit more so I am really hoping that it hasn't opened up a bit more again. It is really horrible when you move because it feels like you have peed yourself and even though people can't see it and can't see that it is leaking I get extremely embarrassed by it. I must always try to remember to stay positive and grateful because there is people in this world who have much worse fistulas then me. I have heard so many horrible stories and met some people who have it way worse and it really upsets me to see and hear what all these people are going through. 


Previous post - Sunday 24th May                                               
                                                                                                     Next post - Monday 8th June

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 24th May 2015

It's been 4 weeks since I last wrote a post because there has been so much going on. Some things I can tell you about but there is a few things that I can't tell you about just yet which kind of sucks because I really want to tell you all.  

The Crohn's has still been getting progressively worse which is not what I want because I have so many plans and the last thing I need is to be really unwell and miss out on things. I also finally plucked up the courage to phone the dentist this past month so I am currently waiting for a maxillofacial appointment to come through. I seriously cannot wait to get rid of these disgusting teeth, roll on the day I get my new set of nashers (teeth).

I have also kind of came up with a really crazy idea and that is to climb Ben Nevis in the summer of 2017.

I honestly don't know how I am going to manage to do it. At the moment I can't even walk without having extreme pelvic pain and ever since I had henoch schonlein purpura I cannot put too much pressure on my legs because it causes a petechial rash but you've got to try new things and it's going to be for a good cause as I plan to raise money for the Crohn’s in Childhood Research Association and The Archie Foundation (the charity at my local childrens hospital. 



Previous post -  Sunday 26th April                                               
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest  

Sunday 26th April 2015

So I have been quite upset these last few days and it's all due to not being able to have something that could or should I say would make my life better. 

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know that a) I live in the UK and b) I suffer from major anxiety issues and have been battling with an anxiety disorder called agoraphobia for over a year now. In the UK there is currently no organisation that trains Psychiatric Service Dogs but this week I discovered an organisation called Service Dogs Europe which is based in the Republic of Ireland but supply highly trained dogs to all of Europe. 

You would not believe how elated I was when I found out that they served the UK but my elation was very short lived because when I told my family, who I have to stay with due to financial reasons said I could not have one. It really broke my heart when they said no because I felt that this is the only thing that is going to help me with my anxiety and agoraphobia, you would think someone would be happy and agree to something that is going to make your life better but obviously not. Also it's not like that pet therapy hasn't been proven to help me because since getting my cat Snowball my depression is better, I don't feel so alone anymore and I don't shut myself away in bedroom like I use to.  

All I can really hope for is that either they change their mind or I find enough money to move into my own place.

Previous post - Sunday 13th April                                               
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 13th April 2015

So I still have this stupid pain in my chest and despite putting my dose of  pain killers back up they aren't helping to dull the pain. I have actually been thinking about buying myself a tens machine to see if that would help with that the pain, the only problem is I personally don't know anybody that uses a tens. The problem with not knowing somebody that uses it means I am having do online research but of course you can't believe everything you read on the internet. It would probably be easier if I just went to my GP and asked him about it but would a GP really know much about a tens machine? 

Also this week I had a lovely reminder that a good number of people that I went to school with are married and that a few of them even have kids. The thing is it's not that I don't want to be in a relationship and to get married in fact I would love the happy ever after, it's just I haven't been able to find the right guy. It can be hard to find the right guy at the best of times but when you have chronic illness it can be a little bit harder. You need to find a man that isn't going to run away when things get tough because life certainly isn't easy sometimes and also it would help if he didn't freak out at the sight of blood or puke. 


Previous post - Monday 6th April                                              
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest  

Monday 6th April 2015

So it's been a wee while since I last wrote and that is for a couple of reasons. 

If you read my previous post (16th March) you will know that I made the decision to stop taking my dihydrocodeine pain medication. I have to say the withdrawal wasn't actually as bad as I thought it was going to be but that was probably due to the fact that I decided not to go down the cold turkey route. I did originally think about doing the cold turkey route but after reading up about opiate withdrawal I changed my mind because I thought it was a bit too dangerous to do it by myself, so instead I decided to go from 4-5 tablets a day to 2 tablets a day. The main side effects that I had was feeling sick, feeling agitated, shivering and an upset stomach which meant I ended up with a higher ostomy output. The honest truth is the symptoms weren't any worse then a bad Crohn's flare, I don't know if what happened to me was normal because I heard and read so many stories about people being really unwell when they do this. 

Everything went well for the first week and half but I then developed terrible back and shoulder pain as well as pain all round my ribcage. :( I tried my hardest not to put my dihydrocodiene dose back up but in the end I had no other choice because things were becoming more and more difficult. It's not the first time time that I have had inflammation in my chest, I actually think I have had inflammation in every part of my body these past 15 and a 1/2 years but it's jso annoying that it had to rear it's ugly head when I was just starting out with reducing the dose. I really hope this current flare up in my chest doesn't last too long or trigger inflammation off somewhere else because I want to get the dose back down to 2 dihydrocodiene tablets a day as so as possible. 

Previous post - Monday 16th March                                                  
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest