Friday 25 November 2016

Monday 3rd October 2016

Today has been one hell of a day and one that I wish I could just erase from my memory forever.

 I don't think I mentioned in any of my previous posts but today I was suppose to go into hospital for a oesophgeal dilation and peg tube replacement but I ended up discharging myself about 5 1/2 hours after being admitted. 

 The reason why I discharged myself from hospital was due to them having none of procedures that I was going in for booked which meant I had no idea how long I would have to sit there in hospital for, it could have been a week, 2 weeks, a month. 

 For a number of years now the oesophageal dilations have been done under x-ray guidance due to them being unable to get the endoscopy scope and guide wire past the stricture's. At interventional radiology they have access to these teeny tiny balloons because they do procedure's like angioplasty and renal stents plus it is a safer way to do it because they use contrast and can see the whole area with there x-ray machine. The other thing was if they can’t the peg tube up my oesophagus then the only way to get it is out through surgery and we all know my past history with wound problems. I also won’t be getting the same tube as I have now either and this other tube is known to fall out sometimes. None of what was happening was explained to me before I went in so I was under the impression that I was going in and getting it done the next day under x-ray guidance. Due to me being bombarded with all this I had ended up having a breakdown and it also triggered suicidal thoughts so I just had to get out of there. One of my main triggers for my anxiety is not knowing when things are being done or not knowing what is going on so this ends up triggering anxiety/panic attacks, I have been very open with my anxiety and what triggers it but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Even though I am at home now I have still been having anxiety attacks which are getting less and thankfully the suicidal thoughts have stopped now. I have a really horrible feeling already that what has happened today has caused me to go backwards with the agoraphobia, only time will tell I suppose. 

Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜
previous post: Sunday 25th September


You can also follow me on 
at No comments:
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)