So I had my last horse riding lesson before D-Day (dental surgery). I am so glad that I was able to make it this week because after falling off Hamish two weeks ago I really wanted to get back in the saddle before my surgery as I don't know how long I will not be able to ride for after my operation.
Today I got to ride a new pony called Dougal who is a beautiful Highland.
This was my very first time riding a Highland and my first time riding a different pony, in previous lessons I was always ridden Hamish but I was struggling so my riding instructor thought I would be better riding Dougal. They are complete opposites, Hamish is more of a plod a long and because I am still quite weak at the moment it is hard for me to get him going. Dougal on the other hand is so responsive and forward going, the slightest squeeze of the leg and his pace speeds up, the slightest pull on the reins he slows down.
My anxiety and stress levels have been on the rise this week with the upcoming surgery, I have actually been told that the symptoms that I display are like PTSD and yes I have been through some traumatic hospital stays over the years but I don't think I have PTSD.
Thankfully this week my physical health has improved, the stomach cramps, horrendous sickness and elevated temperature have all settled. I was starting to get concerned that they would not do the surgery if I was unwell, I certainly don't want to go back on the waiting list and wait another 7 months.
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This week has been a week I'd rather forget. It has been awful so much so I would rather fall off Hamish (the pony I was riding last Saturday) again then deal with this pain.
The stomach pain began at the beginning of the week but of course when you have Crohn's pain in your stomach is certainly not an unusual thing. Through the week the pain has been getting progressively worse to the point that the maximum paracetamol and dihydrocodiene dose isn't helping. It's low down central pain and in a normal woman's body this would mean that it's probably woman related issues but with my small bowel dropping down into my pelvis it could be my bowel or it could be something really simple like a UTI, oh how I wish things could just be straight forward. As well as the pain I haven't been able to get my temperature under 37C, I have felt sick and had really bad acid reflux.
I know that I should have phoned the doctor and this weekend I seriously contemplated phoning the out of hours but I know they will probably admit me because there is nothing they can really do and that's what is stopping me from going. I cannot get over my fear of hospitals which is going to become a major issue.
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