Where have I been

So hello there everyone, how are you all doing today?

As you may have seen there has been a serious lack of blog posts for a bit and that is due to a couple of reasons. So in June I was away from home visiting my best friend forever Lizzy in Essex, sadly though 6 days into my trip I became unwell and had to get an urgent flight home which was a whole heap of hassle but all I am going to say is thank goodness for Scottish airline Loganair and there Southend to Aberdeen flight.

Ever since I came back from my trip I have been having health problems which I am going to do more in-depth posts on, thankfully though I am now doing better and ready to get back to some sort of normal or should I say my normal as I will never be completely healthy as much as I want that so bad.


Well, that's it for today's post, after I have finished this post I will start working on some new posts so it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Saturday 30th March

next post -                          

You can also follow me on 

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youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Saturday 30th March 2019

In my last entry, I was talking about getting gabapentin for my shoulder pain. It took me 2 days to get the prescription filled because a) the chemist could not give me tablets and b) they forgot to order the liquid medication.

So on Tuesday, I couldn't get the prescription filled because they didn't have a liquid form so they said had to order a bottle of liquid medicine from their stockist and that it would be ready for pick up on Wednesday. Just after lunchtime on Wednesday, I phoned to see if it was ready for pick up so the woman that answered the phone went to check. After being on hold for a few minutes she comes back and says the prescription wouldn't be ready because the medication had not been delivered. I was so annoyed, frustrated and really scared because the pain was making my depression so bad because the suicidal thoughts were starting to pop into my head. Sadly with the depression I have, I do tend to get suicidal thoughts and the reason I got them this time was due to lack of sleep and feeling that this nagging pain will never go away.

On Thursday I finally got the gabapentin and I was so grateful for it. When you start gabapentin you have to build up to the dose that you are supposed to be on, the dose that they wanted to me to be on is 100mg three times a day. For the first day I have to take 100mg once a week, the second week I have to take 100mg two times a day and the third week I take the prescribed dose of 100mg three times a day. I decided the best time to take the dose was before I went to bed because I thought it would relieve the pain enough for me to sleep. The gabapentin did help me sleep on Thursday night the only issue is it's making me really sleepy and I am having a really hard time staying awake which really sucks. It does say on the label "if sleepy do not drive" but I have been on numerous medications that have that on the label but they have never made me as sleepy as this, I do wonder if it is the combination of lack of sleep and new medication that is causing me to be so tired. I really hope that this wears off in the next couple of days because if it doesn't then I will have to stop taking it.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post -  Where have I been  

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Tuesday 26th March 2019

So ever since I had my 5 day bleed from my problem wound the recurring shoulder pain that I have has been getting progressively worse for over the past week. I have had pain in my shoulder previously but it normally lasts for a few days never a week. I am aware of certain health issues in the abdomen causing referred shoulder pain so I am wondering if the wound that I have where my rectum should be is the cause of my pain. I really should have asked the surgeon when I saw her at the clinic but there was so much going on that it never crossed my mind. The thing about this shoulder pain is, it has been going on for longer then the wound has been there but as I have mentioned in the previous posts the cause of the wound is unknown but one of the potential causes is an abscess so even though the wound wasn't open the abscess would have been growing.

The bad thing is this isn't the worse pain I have felt but it is certainly the most annoying. Over the years I have mainly had sharp stabbing pains but this is a dull, nagging, uncomfortable pain and as well those feelings it also feels like it's being squeezed really tightly. The best way to describe what it feels like is one of those blood pressure machines squeezing your arm all the time.

In May last year (2018) I went to the doctor about my shoulder pain and how it was causing me to get really depressed, I was barely able to sleep and couldn't really move my arm because the discomfort was that bad. When I went to my appointment I saw my regular GP and he put me on gabapentin but once the prescription ran out I never got another one because I didn't find it worked that well. Today though I couldn't take the nagging pain anymore, I literally felt like it was making me go insane and I really wanted to rip my arm off. Instead of phoning and asking to speak to the duty doctor I thought I would try my luck and phone the repeat prescription line but they said I needed to speak to the pharmacist so I spoke to her and explained the whole situation to her. She agreed to issue the prescription for 1 months supply on the condition I made an appointment with one of the GP's.

Things didn't exactly go to plan though and I couldn't pick up the prescription that day. Last year when I got the prescription from the doctor he gave me capsules but this time round the pharmacist said that I could not open capsules, pour out the powder and mix it with water an flush it through my feeding tube so she would prescribed the liquid form of gabapentin, I really don't get why I can't just do it this time as well. The issue with liquid medications is chemists don't tend to stock them because they cost more then tablets so that means I am going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it so that means another day of nagging pain and a night with no sleep.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post - Saturday 30th March

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Thursday 21st March 2019

I got a surprise today, not one of those awesome surprises sadly but I could really use one of them right now. Okay I got sidetracked sorry about that but what happened was the receptionist from my doctor's surgery called me saying that the hospital wanted me to go and have blood tests done today. Now if you are someone who uses the health care system a lot you know that things like that very rarely happen so I made an appointment for later that afternoon. At the moment I still need to get my mum to drive me places because I haven't yet overcome my anxiety enough to start driving again yet but I am determined to overcome my anxiety and be able to drive myself places whenever I want.

I went in and got my bloods done by the phlebotomist today which was good because normally getting blood out of me with the first poke is hard to do because my veins are so bad but she managed with no bother at all. I expected them to do all the normal bloods that I get done but they didn't which I found strange. When I mean normal bloods for me I get my kidneys checked because my potassium can be low at some times, I get a liver function test to keep an eye on my struggling liver, I get a CRP to check my inflammation levels as I have an chronic illness that causes inflammation in my body and the final thing that gets checked is a full blood count which checks a number of things in my body but all the surgeon wanted is a kidney function and full blood count for some reason.

There was something that I forgot to include in my last entry and that was I can't go down to Essex and visit my friend for her birthday which has really upset me because I promised her that I would go down and stay for a week. I feel so terrible letting my best friend down who is like a sister to me but because she is so awesome she understood why I couldn't come. Deep down I know myself that travelling down is not a good idea, it took me 4 hours to get ready for my hospital appointment. I had a massive 5 day bleed from the Thursday to the Monday and it took a major toll on my body. the blood lost caused me to feel dizzy, I was feeling cold, my normal heart rate is around the 60's but when I was getting ready for the hospital yesterday it was up at a 120, I was having a hard time breathing and was feeling more fatigued then normal. As much as I really want to go it's just not safe for me to do so, I just wish my heart and head would agree but my heart says I should go and my head doesn't. I know I will get to visit her one day I just have to be patient.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Wednesday 20th March

next post - Tuesday 26th March 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Wednesday 20th March 2019

So today was the important surgical appointment. I don't know what happened but the anxiety that I have been having about this appointment completely disappeared, I don't know how it happened but it did which was amazing. It was a good thing my anxiety was gone because the doctor was running over an hour late and I think if my anxiety had been as bad as it normally had been I would have walked out of that clinic.

So after an hour of waiting I finally got seen by the consultant. I have met most of the surgical consultants at my hospital but not this one, she seems really nice though and reminds me of the surgeon that did my previous operations so that's good. The one thing that sucked about this appointment is I had to wait over an hour for 5 minutes with her. To be honest there really isn't much she can do apart from look at it as there is so much over granulation tissue now that it's covered the actually wound opening, even if she could see the opening she can't see what's going on in the inside and the number 1 suspect in what caused this  wound thing is an abscess so she really needs to see whats going on in the inside.

Due to not being not being able to see what's going on the surgeon who I am going to name Miss S has decided the 1st thing that needs to be done is a pelvic MRI and once they get the results they will decide if a small bowel study MRI is required. I really hope that I don't need one of those because the Klean prep that they give you makes me really, really, really unwell and by that I mean violently sick and poop for Scotland because the prep is actually a laxative. After the MRI is done Miss S will be doing surgery to clean up the wound so the healing process will begin again. I honestly don't know how they can take away anymore skin and tissue because they took so much away the first time round, I actually did wonder if it reopened due to the skin being too tight but no one has ever mentioned that could have been the cause.

Another thing I got told today was if I start bleeding again I have to go to A and E and get seen because the last thing Miss S wants is for me to pass out but the problem is I really don't want to have to go. The issue with going to A and E is it will be a waste of their time and mine because there really isn't much they can do and surgeons won't do surgery because what I have really isn't an urgent thing. I suppose right now all I can do is wait and I hate waiting.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

A prefect time to restart this blog

Hello there all you wonderful people, it's been a very long time since I posted something on here and I am sorry about that.

Sooooooooooooo you may be wondering why it has been so long since you last saw a post from me and the reason for that was my depression and anxiety, it was really bad and I let it take control of my life. Thankfully though my mental health is better then it was and the desire to write blog posts has returned plus with upcoming events I thought now would be the perfect time to start blogging again.

Well that's it for today's post, I know it's a short one but I have to start working on my next post which will be live on my blog in the next few days so keep your eyes peeled for that. Until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

I am broken

Hello there everyone, it's been a very long time since I last wrote a blog post and there has been a reason for that and I am sure that some of you can guess by the title what has been happening.

I have been suffering from depression for a number of years but last year it started to get  a lot worse and instead of asking for help again I just let it get worse and worse and a couple of weeks ago I reached my breaking point and had to get an emergency appointment with a G.P. as I was having thoughts of it would be better not to live plus many more symptoms.

• lack of energy which I originally put down to anaemia but apparently lack of energy is one of the symptoms
• feeling tired which again I put down to anaemia and medication I was taking
• getting agitated when around people
• not wanting to spend time with others
• shutting myself in my bedroom
• using dihydrocodiene to help numb the emotional pain
• finding it hard to cope with with everyday things including simple things
• not enjoying what I normally enjoy doing
• not looking after myself properly e.g food
• having thoughts it would be easier not to live
• trouble sleeping because I can't relax or switch my brain off
• not being able to stay asleep
• not being able to concentrate
• feeling that i have failed in life
• fear of something going wrong when out of the house that makes me land in hospital
• Scared that I become ill after say a trip away (this one and the one above are more related to anxiety)

I think the worst thing is I have all these symptoms despite being on 3 medications to help with my mental health and I am on 4 when I am really bad. The 3 medications that I take everyday are maximum dose citalopram which is an SSRI anti-depressant, a low dose 25mg of quetiapine which is used as anti-depressant also and maximum dose propranolol which is used for anxiety. You really would think with the amount of medication that I wouldn't be suffering with depression and anxiety so bad.

So the plan for the moment is to see the urgent care mental health team so they can review the medication I take and put some support in place to help me make improvements. I have been told that the improvements will be slow but any improvement is better then the way the life is right now.

I do have this massive bucket type list which I prefer to call my to do list ,which has all these big plans but I will tell you the smaller things I use to and want to get back to doing first.

• pc gaming 
• streaming on twitch 
• being with and riding horses 
• blogging
• cooking
• baking
• crafting
• reading books and comics
• going to the cinema
• going to concerts
• spending more time with animals

I think that is everything for this blog post. I am sure once I post it I will remember I forgot to write something else. I will try my very best to document my journey to getting better but with the way my depression is I sadly can't promise anything.

I hope you all are doing well and until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group