Monday 8th June 2015

I am absolutely exhausted x 2, my parents were away from Saturday until today so that meant I was looking after my younger sister with Down's Syndrome and of course I had Miss Snowball the cat to look after too. I don't mind looking after my sister but every time I seem to look after her I am finding it more tiring, I really hope that this is just a sign of worsening anaemia and not something that is going to become permanent because that is going to be a serious issue.

Over the weekend I also developed this horrendous toothache or should I say root ache because that's all I have left of my top front teeth. The pain wasn't that bad on Saturday and it cleared up after one dose of paracetamol but I woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning in terrible pain and despite taking the maximum of dose of pain meds the pain is still there. I think it must be over a month now since I asked my dentist to refer me to the maxillofacial department to get these roots removed at the hospital but I haven't heard anything from either of them but that's not unusual when it comes to the National Health Service.


Previous post - Sunday 31st June                                           
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Sunday 24th May 2015

It's been 4 weeks since I last wrote a post because there has been so much going on. Some things I can tell you about but there is a few things that I can't tell you about just yet which kind of sucks because I really want to tell you all.  

The Crohn's has still been getting progressively worse which is not what I want because I have so many plans and the last thing I need is to be really unwell and miss out on things. I also finally plucked up the courage to phone the dentist this past month so I am currently waiting for a maxillofacial appointment to come through. I seriously cannot wait to get rid of these disgusting teeth, roll on the day I get my new set of nashers (teeth).

I have also kind of came up with a really crazy idea and that is to climb Ben Nevis in the summer of 2017.

I honestly don't know how I am going to manage to do it. At the moment I can't even walk without having extreme pelvic pain and ever since I had henoch schonlein purpura I cannot put too much pressure on my legs because it causes a petechial rash but you've got to try new things and it's going to be for a good cause as I plan to raise money for the Crohn’s in Childhood Research Association and The Archie Foundation (the charity at my local childrens hospital. 



Previous post -  Sunday 26th April                                               
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So it's been a while (Update)

Hello my fellow warrior's, I hope you are all doing okay. I just wanted to do an update post to tell you what's been going on and why there hasn't been any blog posts for a wee while. 

So basically things have been happening one thing after the other at which is the reason why there hasn't been any activity on here. I am going to be writing catch up posts about everything that has happened over the past month.

Okay that it is it for today's post. Always try to keep strong and positive because you are a superhero, love you all. xx 

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Wednesday: 25th February 2015

I took the plunge today and ordered 2 wigs. I don't actually think I have ever mentioned this before but guess what! Crohn's has also made me loose a lot of my hair, this illness is a big bitch, it's classed as a digestive disorder so why can't it just effect my digestive system only. Sorry, I totally got off the hair loss subject there.

Okay so back on to my hair, I can only remember one time that my hair was really thin like this and that was when I had the large bowel abscess, active Crohn's disease in every part of my digestive track and was severely malnourished. I am not really sure why it has got this thin again but it has so this time round I have decided to buy a wig. It's taking me about month to make the decision to buy a wig because I didn't want to admit to myself that my hair was that bad and I was that sick again because as you all know by now I don't class myself as sick person and I never want any special treatment. Sorry I have gotten off tangent again. The more I thought about the wigs I started to think they are a really good idea. I love the whole bright coloured hair but I have never had the courage to dye it bright because a) my hair probably wouldn't cope with the bleaching process and b) I change my mind every day because I am such indecisive person, so if I get a few wigs that means that I can alternate my hair colour everyday. 

I was originally going to a wig that was over £80 but when I told my mum of my plans she said that maybe I should buy a cheaper wig to start with because what if I didn't like it and I ended up spending all that money on something that would only be used once. Of course she is right so I have went onto a few websites and I finally decided on these two. 

I decided on neutral ones to start with because they are the ones that I will probably get the most use out of, the 2nd one is actually really like my own hair. I really do hope they will be okay because some wigs can look really crap.


Previous post - Monday 23rd February                                                         
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Monday 23rd February 2015

So over the weekend I developed more pain which really sucks because my mood has continued to improve over the weekend. 

The Crohn's in my bowel has decided that it wants to start acting up so now I have sore fingers and a sore stomach, how fun! #sarcasm. Normally when I get a flare up the pain is in my pelvis but this pain is further up beside my belly button and I also have a feeling that I might have stricture somewhere because I have had some changes in my ostomy output which would coincide with a stricture. On Saturday I also had really bad pain in my bones and muscles to the point that it even hurt to yawn, thankfully though the pain improved through the day. 

On Sunday my parents were having a bit of a clear out and in the things they were clearing out was my old riding hat.

Finding my riding hat has brought back a lot of good memories, it reminds me of a happier time before all these stupid medical problems and complications happened. I have to admit though finding this hat made me kind of sad as well because I really do miss it. I have contemplated booking myself some riding lessons but due to the amount of pain that I suffer in pelvis, the issues that I have had with the wound at my tail end and the problems with my legs I have never booked one. The thing is I know for certain that horse riding would help with the depression because it's something I enjoy, being out in the fresh air would be good for me and as far as I am concerned anything that involves one of my favourite animals will lift my mood considerable. 


Previous post - Friday 20th February                                                             
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Tuesday 17th February 2015

So it's been 2 weeks since I last wrote a diary entry because I am struggling really bad with depression. I know that you are probably all sick of hearing about my depression but this blog is about my life and depression is part of my life even though I don't want it to be.

January is always one of those months were my depression is noticeably worse but we are now more then half way through February and I do not feel any better. When I am suffering this bad with depression it is extremely hard for me to function so I am really bad at looking after myself because I honestly get to the point where I do not care. I really do try my hardest to do at least one productive thing, which is normally to make pureed food for myself but that doesn't always happen and I will go a few days with out eating properly. 

I really do wish I knew why these extremely bad periods of depression keep happening especially when I take anti depressants. The mind is a really complicated thing so I probably will never know what causes it, I just wish there was a cure for depression.

Previous post - Tuesday 3rd February                                                               
                                                                                             Next post - Friday 20th February

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Friday 16th January 2015

Two good things have happened to me since I last wrote. Number 1, my pro makeup case came a day early and number 2, the person who runs the Cat's Protection blog liked the article that I wrote. 

I submitted the article that I wrote to the Cat's Protection yesterday but I couldn't check my emails until this evening because I was just too chicken. I was really scared that I was going to get an email back from them saying that they did not like what I wrote but all that stress and worry was for nothing because they really liked it! Even though doing this guest post has caused me a good deal of stress and nervousness I am very glad that I did it because it has given me a much needed confidence boost when it comes to writing blog posts, I am not the thick person that people have told me that I am.

So as I said the pro makeup case that I ordered from amazon came a day early. 

I wasn't exactly sure what the quality was going to be like as it is a good bit cheaper then the other makeup cases on the internet but I don't think you could actually get a better quality case. Now I just need to start building up my kit which is not going to be easy because building up a good kit is going to cost a quite a bit of money plus there is a lot of products that I want to test out on myself before I put it into my professional kit.  


Previous post - Tuesday 12th January                                                                  
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Tuesday 6th January 2015

Blimey last night was a rough one and I had thought Christmas night was a bad but compared to last night it wasn't. 

So last night I had a another very upset stomach which was worse then my last one. I had to empty my ostomy bag every hour for 3 hours and I also ended up being physically sick, which I thought I was unable do these days. In the past when I tried to be physically sick nothing has ever come up past the stricture's, even when I have used a great deal of force. This time round I didn't have to use that much force so my oesophagus must have opened up by itself which is really great. It would be really nice if it would open up just a wee bit more because I find that if there is any lumps in the pureed food that I eat I always I end up choking. Every time I get a piece of food stuck in my oesophagus it normally irritates the lining and makes it swell shut for a few days so if the oesophagus would just open up a bit more I would never have to go through the whole trying to bring food back up and not being able to eat again.


Previous posts - Thursday 1st December                                                                    
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Thursday 1st January 2015

So it's a New Year and do I feel any different to last year, well the answer would be no. 

I have never done the whole New Year's resolutions thing until this year but 2014 was such a shit year and I really do not want to repeat it this year.  So far I have a few resolutions for this year and unlike everyone else none of them involve starting a new diet or losing weight. I should actually make one of my resolutions to eat more pureed food seeing as I lost 10kg because of the Crohn's and dysphagia last year but making pureed food can be time consuming. 

The two main resolutions that I would really like to stick this year and they are.....

Number 1) 

I am really bad at focusing on the future and because of that I would say my life has really kind of stalled, I need to get my fire back.


Number 2)

A lot of time the I hide who I am really am because it doesn't conform to what the world wants or people disapprove of the things I like, one example of this is I like to my clothing to have an edginess e.g wearing a really girly dress with a pair of Doc Martens. Another example is, I love tattoos but some people think that they make you look common or rough but to me they are art. 

I do have a couple more resolutions such as be more organised, do things that I have been meaning to do for ages, bake more and start to teach myself special effects makeup and face and body painting.


Previous posts -  Monday 29th December                                                                    
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Monday 29th December 2014

I have been feeling kind of low over the past few days, I suppose you can call it the post Christmas blues. I feel like I have nothing fun to look forward to anymore as all I have coming up is hospital things and I hate anything hospital related. I know that New Year is this week but I honestly do not find New Year that interesting or fun, maybe it has something to do with having no friends to go out with. 

Seeing as I was so down in the dumps I decided to take advantage of the Schuh sale despite people telling me that I didn't need anymore shoes. I bought 2 pairs of Rocket Dog boots and got 36% off and as far as I am concerned they were worth purchasing because a) they are sensible shoes and b) Rocket Dog shoes do not cause blisters on my feet like other brands of shoes. 

I was also going to make some clothing purchases from a website but the discount code that they had wouldn't work, which sucks. 


Previous posts -  Thursday 25th December                                                                      
                                                                                         Next post - Thursday 1st December

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Friday 26th December 2014

Today I had my annual boxing day stomach problems. This year I didn't think it would be that bad because I didn't have a full Christmas lunch but boy was I wrong about that, it has to be one of the worst Boxing day's I have ever had.  I am not a 100% sure what has caused it, I can only think of one possible thing that it could be and that is having soup, a glass of wine and tablets all in such a short period of time.** Soup and wine have always made my ostomy output higher then normal plus your are not suppose to take dihydrocodeine and antidepressants with alcohol so that probably is the reason why the guts are playing up today. 


 DISCLAIMER - **I DO NOT recommend that take you medication with alcohol, especially if it says avoid alcohol on the medication box or on the leaflet that comes in the box ** 


Previous posts -  Thursday 25th December                                                                      
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Thursday 25th December 2014

So today has been a great Christmas day. :) :) :) 

I actually thought that Christmas Day was going to be pretty rubbish this year because I wasn't going to be able to eat. When it comes to Christmas I am a very traditional person, Christmas is all about spending time with family and one of the main things about the day is the Christmas dinner. The first year that I ever couldn't sit down and eat dinner with the family was back in 2011 and I remember that day very well because it is the one and only Christmas that I have ever felt depressed. It was extremely hard for me to sit and watch other people eat food so I had to remove myself from the table and go and sit in the living room but sitting in the living room listening to everyone else in the dining room left me feeling alone and very upset. Thankfully this year though I am still able to take liquids so what I did was puree the broth in the blender and then put it through the sieve to remove any bits that was left. It worked a treat so I was able to sit at the table everybody and eat a whole bowel of soup and I may have even had a cheeky glass of wine as well.

I have been blethering way to much about food so lets get on to other things now. 

I loved every single one of my gifts that I received this year. One of the things I that I love about my family is how much they understand the things I like. Okay I do write a Christmas list every year but I always get things that I don't have on my list and they always become firm favourites and I think to myself why didn't I put that on my list. 

The little furball also seems to be enjoying her Christmas present because she has been using quite a bit today. 

I am very sad that Christmas is over for another year, I really do wish that it could last longer because no matter how bad my health is I always feel happy at Christmas. 


Previous posts -  Wednesday 24th December                                                                      
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Wednesday 24th December 2014

This morning when I woke up I was feeling really sick so the baking got a bit delayed but I did manage to make the little mince pie cakes in the afternoon with the help from my mum. 

It was the first time using my Kitchen Aid mixer and all I can say is, it is worth every single penny. I am really pleased that I have finally found something that makes it possible for me to bake again, f**ck you chronic illnesses Leona will always find a way to win the battle. There was one thing I didn't get to make today and that was the Ginger Christmas cake because stupid me forgot to soak the dried fruit in the ginger wine on Tuesday. 

I must say that, looking after my sister with special needs, making the cakes and wrapping presents did take it out of me and by the end of the day I was feeling really tired and in pain but I felt really good about myself because I had a very productive day, I can't actually remember the last time I had a day like. There is just something about Christmas that makes all my troubles like the depression go away.


Previous posts -  Monday 22nd December
                           -  Bonus post: Merry Christmas Everyone                                                                                                                                                                       
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Merry Christmas Everyone!

This is a very quick post because I wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas!! and I really hope you have all had a wonderful pain free day. 

I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you all for taking the time to read my blog this year. It really means a lot to me and I really hope that my blog makes you feel less alone in your against these chronic illness and that it also shows you that you can still have a life even though you have an illness. 

Well that's it for this post, enjoy the rest of your day and remember to keep strong and keep fighting. xx

Previous post -  Monday 22nd December                                                                                                                                                                           Next post - Wednesday 24th December

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Monday 22nd December 2014

Let the busy week commence because this week is Christmas week!!! I absolutely love Christmas but jeez those last few days before the day are always the busiest for me. There is so much things that need to be done, presents need to wrapped and the chief baker aka me needs to do her baking. I was originally going to do my baking on Sunday but I changed my mind because there was no way that those little mince pie cakes would last until Christmas day so I have decided to make them on Christmas Eve which is probably a really stupid idea because guaranteed I will have forgotten to buy at least one of the ingredients but hey I like to live life dangerously. 

Another good thing about this Christmas is I hardly have to wrap any presents due to everyone buying there own presents this year. I love opening presents but I hate wrapping them because a) my wrapping skills are awful and b) my wee little fingers do not like having to do all that work (I get joint pain). All I have to wrap this year is a present for my mum, my sister and grandma, I normally do wrap up the present that I get for the cat (and yes I am a crazy cat lazy) but her present came in a cardboard box and she loves cardboard boxes so I will just leave in there and she can trail it out of the box herself. 


Previous post -  Thursday 18th December                                                                                                                                                                        Next post - Merry Christmas Everyone

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