I'm back

Well hello there it's been a very long time since I last posted on here and I am sorry about that but for some reason I just couldn't write a blog post. I have no idea why it happened it wasn't like I didn't have any ideas I just couldn't write things down and when I did force myself to write a blog post it just didn't make any sense.

I am pleased to announce that I have got my blogging mojo back and my brain is brimming with ideas so that means there will be new blog posts coming your way on all my of blogs.

Well that's it for today's post I know it's a short one but I just wanted to let you all know that you will be seeing new blog posts in the future so until next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

Wednesday 27th December 2017

Well today has been one those days where I needed to take care of the essentials, these are not my favourite type of days but they need to be done to so I can have better health. Better health = being able to do everything I want.

So today was an early start as I had appointment at the health centre to get bloods done at 8.40am. Before Christmas I phoned the IBD nurse because my anemia has got so bad that I can no longer wait for the portacath to be placed. I have tried to take the Ferrous Fumarate tablets that they have always prescribed in the past but my stomach and bowels does not like them tablets at all.

With it being the week between Christmas and New Year people didn't want to see the doctor so I managed to score myself a doctors appointment for that afternoon. I didn't just manage to get one appointment, I manage to a get two and having a double appointment meant I could get all my issues seen too. 

For the longest time now I have had this problem with my right shoulder, it's not the easiest thing to describe, I don't really get pain as such it's just really uncomfortable and it doesn't stay in the one place it goes down to the bicep. The best way to describe it is my shoulder is being pulled out of it's socket, I take paracetamol and dihydrocodiene but it doesn't seem to work and now I am at the point where I can't cope with it anymore plus it's taking it's toll on my mental health too. The GP did numerous things but he couldn't really say what it was, I had full range of mobility and more because I am hyper mobile. He decided to give me a prescription for diclofenac gel which I am concerned about using because it is a NSAID (anti-infammatory medication) and if you have Crohn's you are not suppose to use NSAID's. I did mention to him that people with IBD are not suppose to take NSAID's but he says as it's going on to the skin so it won't be absorbed into the body but I am still not a 100% sure if it is a good idea to use it. 



Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Thursday 16th March 2017

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | discord | google+ | youtube
my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads | steam | twitch

Sunday 31st May 2015

This week has been rough to the point that I nearly caved in and phoned the hospital so that shows you how bad things have been because this girl goes no where near a hospital unless I am really unwell or in extreme pain. You would actually think that after 15 and 1/2 years I wouldn't be so freaked out about going into hospital but I will happily admit that I am a big scaredy cat when it comes to going in. 

The main problem that I have been having are related to this stupid small bowel to cervix fistula, it has been leaking a good bit more so I am really hoping that it hasn't opened up a bit more again. It is really horrible when you move because it feels like you have peed yourself and even though people can't see it and can't see that it is leaking I get extremely embarrassed by it. I must always try to remember to stay positive and grateful because there is people in this world who have much worse fistulas then me. I have heard so many horrible stories and met some people who have it way worse and it really upsets me to see and hear what all these people are going through. 


Previous post - Sunday 24th May                                               
                                                                                                     Next post - Monday 8th June

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 24th May 2015

It's been 4 weeks since I last wrote a post because there has been so much going on. Some things I can tell you about but there is a few things that I can't tell you about just yet which kind of sucks because I really want to tell you all.  

The Crohn's has still been getting progressively worse which is not what I want because I have so many plans and the last thing I need is to be really unwell and miss out on things. I also finally plucked up the courage to phone the dentist this past month so I am currently waiting for a maxillofacial appointment to come through. I seriously cannot wait to get rid of these disgusting teeth, roll on the day I get my new set of nashers (teeth).

I have also kind of came up with a really crazy idea and that is to climb Ben Nevis in the summer of 2017.

I honestly don't know how I am going to manage to do it. At the moment I can't even walk without having extreme pelvic pain and ever since I had henoch schonlein purpura I cannot put too much pressure on my legs because it causes a petechial rash but you've got to try new things and it's going to be for a good cause as I plan to raise money for the Crohn’s in Childhood Research Association and The Archie Foundation (the charity at my local childrens hospital. 



Previous post -  Sunday 26th April                                               
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest  

Saturday 28th February 2015

Today was a really good day but at night time disaster struck. 

As I mentioned in my previous diary entry/post on Wednesday I ordered 2 wigs, well they arrived today!!! I haven't tried them on yet because my hair is a bit greasy so I would really like to wash it before I try them on but so far I would say they look okay. I also received another order today, when I was on Amazon on Wednesday night I also ordered a 1950's rockabilly dress and a net underskirt for a wedding reception of an old school friend that I have on the 14th March. Below is a picture of the dress that I ordered.

The dress looks as good as it does on the web and as much as my love my Victorian Gothic and Steampunk style I have always wanted to wear a rockabilly swing dress. I do have a couple of other things that I have to sort out, as what shoes do I wear? As much as I love high heels I can't where them at the moment because my legs are too weak and I get a lot of pain from my pelvis so it will definitely have to be flats. I do have a couple of options one pair is a grey skull flats from Iron Fist and the other pair is my purple converse, yes I know they are not the norm but I am sure you all know by now I don't do normal. 

So after having a pretty decent day night time brought a big blow in the form of my teeth once again. Tonight was the night that I lost another top front tooth so now I only have one top front tooth left. I knew that this would probably happen at some point but the time timing real does fucking suck, I was so looking to forward to going to this wedding reception but there is no way that I can bring myself to go now. 


Previous post - Monday 23rd February                                                         
                                                                                         Next post - Sunday 15th March

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest  

Thursday 22nd January 2015

So I have made a big decision and a lot of people will think I am mad but I don't care one little bit because I am doing this for my own happiness nobody else's.

As mentioned in the previous post you will remember me saying that I thought  my disgusting teeth or should I say that they are! one of the triggers for my depression and agoraphobia, well I have made decision to have them all removed and get myself a full set of false teeth. I have always been one of those people who has struggled with body confidence over the years but thankfully as I have gotten older I struggle less with the body confidence issues. I actually consider myself to be very lucky is some aspects, I have lovely skin and I have a pretty decent stomach considering I have had operations on it but these teeth I cannot stand to look at them.

I have explained this decision to my family and they are very supportive so all I need to do now is find a dentist that will remove the ones that I have left because I have a funny feeling that my current dentist will say no. The dentist that I have at moment always tries to repair my teeth which I don't want and if I do need any removed or should I say roots removed he sends me to the maxillofacial unit at the hospital as he classes me as high risk patient because of all my medical problems. When I have had some teeth "roots" removed at hospital there has never been any issues because I always get a course of antibiotics and antibacterial mouthwash so I don't see why can't he just removed them. 


Previous post - Sunday 18th January                                                                  
                                                                                              Next post - Thursday 3rd February

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 18th January 2015

I am really, really, really sorry that I have fallen so far behind with my blog posts but I have been dealing with some personal problems that I am not ready to disclose yet and as well as that I have also been sick. :( 

Last night was a bad night because depression hit me really hard once again. I normally find it hard to pin point what exactly causes the episodes of depression but this time I have a good idea why. 

Number 1 on the list of causes is my teeth. My teeth are absolutely disgusting and I have to say that they are probably one of the main causes of my agoraphobia. Over the past 15 years my poor health, bouts of malnutrition and bad genes has led me to have major teeth issues, every single one of my teeth are rotten and I am currently missing 3 teeth soon to be 4 as one of them is a bit  wobbly.

Number 2 on the list is not being able to see my favourite bands. On Thursday (15th Jan) tickets for the Fall Out Boy UK show's went on sale and as per normal my local venue is standing only which of course is not any use to me because I cannot stand for long periods of times. Now don't get me wrong I totally understand why people want to stand but it is extremely unfair for those who love music but can't go to see their favourite bands because there is no seating. Another concert that I wanted to go to was The Script but the only seating that is available is for disabled people. I may have multiple illnesses but I have never classed myself as being disabled plus my illnesses invisible so unless I pull up my shirt then you can't tell that I have medical problems. To me it feels wrong to buy disabled tickets but then I always think to myself how am I ever going to get to concert's at my local venue?

Previous post - Tuesday 12th January                                                                  
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Tuesday 6th January 2015

Blimey last night was a rough one and I had thought Christmas night was a bad but compared to last night it wasn't. 

So last night I had a another very upset stomach which was worse then my last one. I had to empty my ostomy bag every hour for 3 hours and I also ended up being physically sick, which I thought I was unable do these days. In the past when I tried to be physically sick nothing has ever come up past the stricture's, even when I have used a great deal of force. This time round I didn't have to use that much force so my oesophagus must have opened up by itself which is really great. It would be really nice if it would open up just a wee bit more because I find that if there is any lumps in the pureed food that I eat I always I end up choking. Every time I get a piece of food stuck in my oesophagus it normally irritates the lining and makes it swell shut for a few days so if the oesophagus would just open up a bit more I would never have to go through the whole trying to bring food back up and not being able to eat again.


Previous posts - Thursday 1st December                                                                    
                                                                                         Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 1st January 2015

So it's a New Year and do I feel any different to last year, well the answer would be no. 

I have never done the whole New Year's resolutions thing until this year but 2014 was such a shit year and I really do not want to repeat it this year.  So far I have a few resolutions for this year and unlike everyone else none of them involve starting a new diet or losing weight. I should actually make one of my resolutions to eat more pureed food seeing as I lost 10kg because of the Crohn's and dysphagia last year but making pureed food can be time consuming. 

The two main resolutions that I would really like to stick this year and they are.....

Number 1) 

I am really bad at focusing on the future and because of that I would say my life has really kind of stalled, I need to get my fire back.


Number 2)

A lot of time the I hide who I am really am because it doesn't conform to what the world wants or people disapprove of the things I like, one example of this is I like to my clothing to have an edginess e.g wearing a really girly dress with a pair of Doc Martens. Another example is, I love tattoos but some people think that they make you look common or rough but to me they are art. 

I do have a couple more resolutions such as be more organised, do things that I have been meaning to do for ages, bake more and start to teach myself special effects makeup and face and body painting.


Previous posts -  Monday 29th December                                                                    
                                                                                               Next post - Thursday 6th January 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Monday 29th December 2014

I have been feeling kind of low over the past few days, I suppose you can call it the post Christmas blues. I feel like I have nothing fun to look forward to anymore as all I have coming up is hospital things and I hate anything hospital related. I know that New Year is this week but I honestly do not find New Year that interesting or fun, maybe it has something to do with having no friends to go out with. 

Seeing as I was so down in the dumps I decided to take advantage of the Schuh sale despite people telling me that I didn't need anymore shoes. I bought 2 pairs of Rocket Dog boots and got 36% off and as far as I am concerned they were worth purchasing because a) they are sensible shoes and b) Rocket Dog shoes do not cause blisters on my feet like other brands of shoes. 

I was also going to make some clothing purchases from a website but the discount code that they had wouldn't work, which sucks. 


Previous posts -  Thursday 25th December                                                                      
                                                                                         Next post - Thursday 1st December

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

This is a very quick post because I wanted to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas!! and I really hope you have all had a wonderful pain free day. 

I would also like to take this opportunity to say thank you all for taking the time to read my blog this year. It really means a lot to me and I really hope that my blog makes you feel less alone in your against these chronic illness and that it also shows you that you can still have a life even though you have an illness. 

Well that's it for this post, enjoy the rest of your day and remember to keep strong and keep fighting. xx

Previous post -  Monday 22nd December                                                                                                                                                                           Next post - Wednesday 24th December

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Saturday 6th December 2014

So this week has been a pretty crappy week and I think it may be time to cave in and pay a visit to the old GI ward. I really, really, really don't want to go because 

(a) I hate hospital's 

(b) The hospital that I go to is having a lot of bad press lately so I ain't exactly full of confidence  

(c) Christmas is just round the corner  

(d) They will probably put me on the evil meds that are steroids  

(e) I am scared that they will give me a PICC line and put me on TPN because I have lost 10kg in weight. 

Why is making these types of decisions are so hard? Why does the thought of going in hospital make me have panic attacks? Why can't life be easy.

So also this week my laptop power cord broke which is just great and it kind of ruined my plans for this week. This week is IBD Awareness Week and I planned to post lots of facts as well as other things about IBD on all my social media sites but I have really been struggling to do it because I am having to use my parents laptop which possibly has to be the worst laptop in the world. I use to complain about my laptop all the time but after using their one I don't think I will ever complain about my again, despite the struggle though I have managed to post at least one IBD fact a day on my twitter, facebook, tumblr, and google+. On Wednesday I did order a power cord from a seller on amazon but it hasn't arrived yet, I am a bit concerned about actually using it but the problem is that I have is Sony do not make computer's anymore so the only place that I could find power cords was amazon or ebay. I was going to buy the cheapest Apple MacBook Pro because I have been wanting one for ages plus they offer financing but the parents where like you should just buy a power cord because you will save yourself so much money which is true but I honestly do think I am going to buy a MacBook Pro at some point because it is much more suitable for the things that I do. 


Previous post -  Monday 24th November                                                                                                                                                                                     Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Friday 11th April 2014

Today the nightmare finally ended and I got discharged from hospital.

This morning the GI doctor's came round to do to there normal morning ward round and it was positive news, as it had been 36 hours since I had the dilation and I hadn't displayed any signs of surgical emphysema they said that they weren't going to bother with scan and I could start eating and drinking. I had some porridge and water for breakfast and they both went down okay so I was allowed to go home in the afternoon.

It is so nice to be out of there and I can't wait sleep in my own bed tonight. I would be lying though if I said I wasn't anxious about going home especially since they didn't do the scan to find out what was going on in my oesophagus but I feel okay and I am not in that much pain so I am sure everything is fine.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Surgical emphysema occurs when air gets into tissues under the skin. This usually occurs in the skin covering the chest wall or neck, but can also occur in other parts of the body.

Thursday 10th April 2014

Today has been an extremely stressful, crappy day and I am so glad that it is finally over.

Despite all the stress I was under I did manage to get some sleep thanks to the lorazepam that they gave. I had to woken up multiple times during that night to get my blood pressure, temperature and oxygen levels checked because they were keeping a very close eye on me.

So when GI doctors came and did their ward round in the morning the consultant felt that there wasn't a oesophageal perforation because I was so well and didn't have any more pain then I normally do. The GI doctor would have been more then happy to let me go home but because he didn't do the dilation and the consultant radiologist did he was going to do what the radiologist had advised.

As the hours went past nobody was coming to take me for the scan. In the late afternoon the nurse in charge asked if I had been for my scan and I said no, she said that she would find out what was going on but the nurse never came back. Finally at roughly 7pm a doctor came to explain why I had not got my scan, apparently somebody in the radiology department took the request for the scan off the computer system and because the request was not on the computer when the GI doctors looked at it they just presumed it had been done.

This was the finally straw for me I couldn't handle anymore so I broke down and cried, I just want this nightmare to end.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Wednesday 9th April 2014

So today was oesophageal dilation day and I was really looking forward to getting it done because I hadn't eaten any solid food for 3 months but procedure didn't go to plan. When I woke up in the recovery room I found that they had to put an I.V into my foot because the veins in my arms are completely shot but unfortunately there was worse news to come. The recovery nurse told me that I needed to get an urgent C.T scan done but she never told me the reason why I had to have it, so of course I start to panic. I am thinking to myself why do I need this scan? I have probably had this procedure done about 30 times in the past 5 years and not once have I needed to get a scan afterwards.

Three hours after I came back from the getting the dilation I still hadn't had the scan and nobody had told me what was going on, finally after four hours at just after 8pm two doctor's form the GI ward eventually told me what was going on. During the procedure the consultant radiologist thought that the oesophagus had torn during the dilation due to him over stretching it. Being told this made me panic even more and honestly I was really scared, I always knew that this was one of the risks of having a dilation but it is one of this things that will happen to you especially when you have had dialtions so many times before and nothing like this has ever gone wrong.

Due to it being so late in the evening I was told that I wouldn't be getting the scan today, it would have to be done the following morning and because of the complication they thought I had I was nil by mouth until they did the scan. Of course being nil by mouth meant that I couldn't take my anti anxiety medication so they had to give me half the standard dose of lorazepam, thankfully this medication helped calm me so fingers crossed I will be able to sleep.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Monday 7th April 2014

Words cannot describe how frustrated I am with my health at the moment. I can't remember if I wrote about this but over 5 weeks ago I surgery to try and fix the open surgical wound that I have had for 5 and a 1/2 years, everything was going great but now there is a hole and there is stuff coming draining out of it. I was really hoping that this time it would be fixed so that I didn't have to daily dressings anymore but that is not the case.  I shouldn't really be that surprised though because how is a wound suppose to heal if the body is not getting enough nutrition.

So yesterday I started clearing out my bedroom because the new bedroom furniture should be here in the next 4 to 5 weeks. There might be one slight issue with the new furniture and that is the wardrobe space, I am going from 2 double wardrobes to one. When I was ordering the furniture I thought to myself I don't need 2 double wardrobes because I don't wear half the clothes that I have but when I was clearing one of the wardrobes I was unable to part with most of the clothes.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Monday 31st March 2014

I haven't written an entry for a few because I was really tired after my day out on Friday and also since Saturday my grumpy guts have been playing up something rotten.

So on Friday I went on the hunt for an old fashioned cream bookcase to match my new bedroom furniture, I looked round a few different shops but I was unable to find one that was suitable. :-( I may have not been able to find a bookcase but I did find a really comfy office chair that wasn't too expensive.

So because I was out for most of the day on Friday my body decided that it want to punish me for going out. For the past 3 days I have had a high temperature, this feeling that my stomach is going to explode, stomach and back pain. Despite all the problems I don't regret going out for the day, I refuse to let my illness control me. If I let the Crohn's and stricture's rule my life I wouldn't have a life

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Wednesday 26th March 2014

Today was oesophageal dilation day. So I got up at 6am packed my overnight bag did all the normal things i.e have a shower, wash my hair and headed off to the hospital.

15 minutes after arriving at the hospital the nurse came and asked why I was there because they weren't due to get any new patients today. I told her that I was there to get an oesophageal dilation and I showed her the appointment letter that I got in the mail, so she took the letter and went to phone my consultants secretary. A few minutes later she came back and told me that the dilation had been cancelled and rescheduled for the 9th April. Normally I would get angry at not being told that it had been postponed but it has happened so many times now that I just don't see the point at getting angry anymore and to be honest I wasn't that surprised that it been cancelled because my gut feeling for the past few days had been that it wasn't going to get done.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

If you would like to know why there wasn't any diary entries for 2 months then click on this link: http://crohnsquine.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/where-have-i-been.html

Sunday 23rd March 2014

I have been extremely tired recently and all I do is sleep. I sleep all night, then I am awake for a few hours in the morning, then I go back to sleep, wake in the evening, stay awake for a few hours and then go back to sleep. (I have no idea if that sentence makes any sense) I am finding it so ridiculously hard  to get anything done at the moment because by the time I get ready to go out somewhere I am exhausted and need to go to sleep.

This coming Wednesday (March 26th) I am getting another oesophageal dilation done so I am really hoping that once I get some proper food into me my energy levels will go up. It's weird how I gone from to complaining about not being able sleep to complaining about sleeping to much but I suppose this is what happens when you have IBD.

Follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

If you would like to know why there hasn't been any diary entries for 2 months then click on this link: http://crohnsquine.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/where-have-i-been.html

Sunday 26th Janaury 2014

This weekend hasn't been too bad thankfully, I did have a couple of HSP looking spots appear on my legs so that explains why I have the joint pain.

I have finally found a horse riding school that I like so I have spent a good portion of my weekend looking at horse riding gear. The only I am not sure about is do I just book a lesson now or wait until the spring? I cannot wait to get back in the saddle though, it has been such a long time since I last went riding but this is the first step in the attempt to get my life back on track.

Twitter | Facebook | google+ | YouTube

My Facebook Group | Instagram | pinterest