What will I be posting

Hello everyone, I hope you are all staying safe. Today I thought do a super quick post telling you what my plans are for posts on this blog.

The plan is I will be writing a blog post on exactly what has happened after my admission to the hospital for 3 infections in May 2020. I will tell you about my worsening mental health, the surgery that happened in July to fix my 12-year-old perianal, plus the multiple problems that have happened post-op, and what happened to me after my first Covid vaccine back in February. At this time I have not decided if I am going to do one long post or split them up into three posts, if you have a preference on what you would prefer then please let me know. The final thing is I will be posting diary/journal posts that I have written since last May but never posted.

Well, that's it for today's post everyone. I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

    

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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It's been a long time *TRIGGER WARNING*

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. To be honest, I don't really know what to put in this post, all I know is I wanted to write something

The last time I posted a blog post was back in September 2020 I was telling you about my admission to the hospital in the middle of the first wave of the Coronviruse pandemic. The reason why there were no blog posts after that was due to my mental health. I had been struggling with my mental health from the beginning of the year but it was made a lot worse by the operation I had in July to fix my perianal wound. Having that operation was one of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life because all it has done is made the wound worse which means my life revolves around it. It's like a nightmare that never ends and sometimes I think it would be better to end it. Taking medication to help with depression can only do so much when you can not get rid of the thing that is causing the depression.

That's all for this post, sorry it's a bit of a downer, I will try and to more in-depth posts of what is exactly going on when I feel up to it.

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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Admitted to the hospital during the pandemic, part 2 - May 2020

Hello there everyone and welcome to Part 2 of being admitted to the hospital during the Coronavirus pandemic. If you haven't read part one I suggest you read that post first. 

Here is the link to that post - Admitted to hospital during the pandemic. (Part 1)

As I got transferred to the GI ward in the evening I just saw one of the FY1 doctors and she gave me the good news that my bowel x-ray showed no blockages, as Tthere was nothing more that could be done that evening so she said she would see me in the morning with the registrar that was covering the ward that week.

Monday - The next day I wasn't feeling much better and when the doctors came round the registrar said that there was nothing obvious going on, the x-ray was clear and my inflammatory markers were normal so it wasn't a Crohn's flare. My blood tests did show that my potassium and phosphate were low so I needed to take medication to bring those levels back up. The registrar decided that it would be a good idea for them to test my urine and stool (poop) and when I mentioned to her about my perianal wound being gunky she decided that it should be swabbed to see if it was infected. The rest of the day was your pretty standard inpatient hospital day, they decided to keep me on fluids for another day as I was still dehydrated.

Tuesday - On Tuesday afternoon the nurse came into my room and said I need to start iv vancomycin because I had tested positive for cdiff. I was so shocked to be told that I had cdiff, I hadn't been out of the house to catch it from anyone, no one in my house had been displaying symptoms and I had not been on antibiotics recently. I was really worried that the iv vancomycin was going to give me red mans syndrome because every time I am on antibiotics I always end up with side effects but thankfully it didn't happen. The only thing that happened was my face felt like something was brushing up against it all the time.

Wednesday - On Wednesday I was told by the registrar that I just didn't have cdiff, I also had a urine infection and my perianal wound was infected so as well as being on vancomycin I also needed to take metronidazole by mouth. T hey also decided to switch the vancomycin from iv to tablets. There was a slight issue with the vancomycin tablets though, they only came in capsules but it wasn't powder that was in the capsule it was this hard stuff that wouldn't come out of the capsule when opened. The decision was made to give me liquid vancomycin but the liquid vancomycin was the stuff they used in the iv's which really concerned me but they said it was alright for me to take it that way. As well as being told that I 3 infections they also told me that my B12 was low which meant I needed to start taking injections for the rest of my life and my folic acid was also low so I needed to take folic acid tablets for 3 months.

Thursday - I was starting to feel better, I was able to eat and drink more, I no longer needed to be on any iv fluids and I could manage the nausea by taking ondansetron and cyclizine orally. The doctors said if I did okay on Thursday that I would be allowed to go home on Friday.

Well, that's it for part 2. You may be wondering if I was discharged home on Friday why am I not finishing this blog post, well when I was discharged home things did not exactly go to plan so that means there will be an Admitted to the hospital during the pandemic, part 2 coming your way next week. Until next time...............

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

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Admitted to hospital during the pandemic. (Part 1)

For a good number of months, I had been feeling really run down physically but on Wednesday the 23rd of April, I started to get a sore stomach and was feeling sick over the next few days I continued to get worse and by Saturday evening I was feeling extremely unwell and dehydrated. I knew I needed to phone the out of hours doctors but I was really scared to because I didn't want to go into hospital in case I would end up getting Coronavirus. I kept telling myself I can do this, I am strong and I can wait until Monday to phone my GP and then I won't have to go into hospital but Sunday came around and I couldn't cope anymore. I was in too much pain, I felt like I was going to throw up, I was very weak because I hadn't eaten or really drank anything for 3 days and I was very tired because I hadn't been able to sleep. Even though I was terrified of going into hospital I also knew that it was really bad for me to stay at home and even if I did wait until Monday and phoned my GP they would have put me in the hospital because there was nothing they could really do.

I phoned 111 and explained to the call handler about my situation and then I was put through to a nurse immediately and we discussed what was going on, she decided I had to speak to a doctor but I couldn't speak to one straight away so I had to wait a couple of hours for one to phone me back. When the doctor phoned I explained what was going on he said I had to go A&E and I began to panic because A&E was where all the people who had the virus or were thought to have virus went. I really started to have second thoughts about going to the hospital and my anxiety was through the roof. My mum was also concerned so she decided to phone the A&E department and we found out that the department had been split into 2 so there was the clean area which means it's virus-free and there was the infected area and the staff who worked in the virus area never went to the clean area so that made me feel a little better.

My mum drove me to the hospital and when we arrived we found out that I would have to stand in the queue which was outside because everybody that wanted to go in needed to be checked to make sure that they had no symptoms of the virus. There was a slight issue though and that was I was unable to stand in a queue because I was too weak, thankfully though the people who were in the queue were very nice and let me go straight to the front and I got taken in straight away. As soon as you went in through the entrance you were met by 2 nurses, who took your details, checked your temperature, and asked you questions to see if you had symptoms of Covid. Once I was cleared to go into the hospital I went to the A&E reception and told the receptionist my name and why I was there. I was really pleased to find out that I didn't have to go into the A&E department because the GP had managed to get me on a bed in the medical assessment ward.

When I arrived in the medical assessment ward I was immediately taken to my bed and the nurse started taking my vitals and doing the hospital admission paperwork. Once that was done I was then seen by one of the wards nurse practitioners, she inserted a cannula and gave me iv cyclizine (an anti-sickness) and paracetamol which was then followed by iv fluids to rehydrate me. The nurse practitioner also felt my stomach, listened to my chest, took blood, and ordered an x-ray of my stomach to see if there were was a blockage which, thankfully there was not. It was decided by the medical team on the assessment ward that I needed to stay in hospital as they did not know what was making me unwell and they were going to transfer me to the GI ward.

That is all for part 1 of my hospital admission post,  I hope you enjoyed reading it and I will try and post part 2 as soon as I possibly can but until next time..........

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

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It's been a long time

Well hello there everyone it's been a very long time and I am really sorry about that but mentally I was not in a good place and had to take some time to myself. Despite being on anti-depressants and anxiety medications I wasn't in a good place, I lost interest in everything I liked to do and I had no energy or motivation to do anything, even the simple things like making food and taking care of my personal hygiene was tough. Thankfully though things have got better after I was treated for a B12 and folate deficiency. B12 and folate deficiency can cause depression, anxiety, tiredness, and lack of energy so it explains why I was still struggling despite taking the anti-depressants and anxiety medication. Sadly though despite being treated for the deficiencies I do still suffer fatigue but at least my mental health is doing better than it was and hopefully I do not go back to the place I was at mentally for the past 10-11 months.

Now that I have got myself out of the hole and got my passion for blogging back I will be posting new posts on this blog as well as my new blog Crohn's Dysphagia and Ostomies. Hopefully, my first post will be up on this blog this week but I can't 100% guarantee that because right now I am on antibiotics which gives me really bad side effects but I will try my very best to get it posted by next week.

Well, that's it for today's post, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

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Friday 26th July 2019

Well, this past week has been a bit of a nightmare for my health because we are going through a heatwave right now and with what I have they do not go together. Having your large bowel removed means you are more prone to dehydration because that part of the bowel plays a big part in absorbing water so you can probably imagine how hard it is to stay hydrated in this ridiculous heat. I have been struggling really bad and have been dealing with all the symptoms you can get, dry mouth, dry skin, low urine output, headaches, I actually had chest pain last night which made me think my potassium was low so I drunk a lot of water and thankfully the pain went away.

This past week my stomach pain has been acting up but thankfully it's not long until my IBD clinic appointment. I don't know how much they will be able to do if it is adhesions, I know they can do surgery but the last abdominal surgery I had was extremely painful to the point that ketamine barely touched the pain post-operation. Even though surgery is a way to fix the adhesions it will just cause more scarring tissue to happen which will cause more adhesions because scarring from surgery is what causes adhesions.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Tuesday 16th July

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Tuesday 16th July 2019

The chronic pain in my shoulder has been driving me round the twist this past weekend. It really is starting to control my life, I am barely using my right arm because I am scared to cause myself any more pain. I don't understand how bad joint pain can be so bad when there is no inflammation in my body plus I don't have anything like arthritis even though that can be a side effect of having Crohn's. When I went to get my shoulder x-ray done two and a half weeks ago they said the results would be back within two weeks but surprise, surprise they are not. To be honest, I am not surprised they weren't, I have never had radiology results come back so quickly as an outpatient. I am really getting to the tether as my depression is now being triggered but I really don't know what more they can do as I am already on 3 pain medications, paracetamol, dihydrocodeine, and gabapentin.

Despite all the pain, I took another step forward in beating my social anxiety. I don't really think I have talked about it much on here but I am a PC gamer and one of my all-time favorite games is Arma 3 which is a military simulator. I have been with the same Arma 3 community for the past two and a half years but this past weekend I decided to take the plunge and apply to another community. Previously with my social anxiety, I would never have gone out of my comfort zone and apply for this other community. I am pleased to announce that I got accepted and I just have to do my 2 phases of training before I can join in the missions, I wish I applied sooner now.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Friday 12th 2019

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Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Friday 12th July 2019

Since I last wrote several positive and negative things have happened since I last posted on here. I think I will start with the positive things. After 2 previous failed attempts I finally managed to go and visit my friend Lizzy down in the London area and get on a plane to Heathrow which is one of the World's busiest airports all by myself.

For those who are new to reading my blog, I use to have agoraphobia and was not able to go out of the house for a couple of years so doing this trip was a massive achievement for me. Sadly though my trip didn't go completely to plan and it was cut short due to me ending up with some type of gastro bug type thing. Trying to get a flight home was a bit of a nightmare because the flight I managed to book from Heathrow was overbooked so I couldn't get on that plane but thankfully Loganair came to the rescue and I was able to get a seat on their flight from Southend.

You may be wondering why I decided to come home, it was due to my being unsure of what the actual cause was. Five days before I left I had a partial blockage which will become more relevant later on but the last time I got an upset stomach as bad as what I was having I had to be admitted to the hospital for fluids and potassium because my body couldn't cope with having gastroenteritis. As much as I didn't want to come home, I also didn't really want to be stuck in a hospital with a gastro team that didn't know me because I am so complex and I also didn't want to be a bother to Lizzy and her family because as my fellow chronic illness warriors know life can be tough on the patient, family, and friends. Once I arrived home on Sunday evening I immediately had a shower so that I didn't pick any bugs from being on the plane and headed straight to bed. I woke up the following day and was still not feeling any better so I phoned my doctor's surgery and thankfully I got seen just after 11am in the morning which is pretty quick for a Monday as waiting times can be pretty long. The doctor that I saw was not 100% sure what was causing my illness so she decided to send away a blood and stool (poo) sample as well as give me another anti-sickness medication. After a few days of rest, I was feeling a bit better but still not that well despite the test results coming back normal. After a week and a bit of still feeling pain, sickness, and acid reflux I decided to go back to the doctor because I was getting a bit concerned. I saw the same doctor that I did the first time around, she checked my pulse, blood pressure and temperature which were all normal. The last check that she did was of my stomach, she felt an area of fullness so Dr. E thinks my pain and sickness is due to bowel adhesions. Adhesions are sadly a side effect of having the surgery I have had. The doctor decided to put me onto a new anti-sickness medication called metoclopramide, what is different about this medication compared to the other anti-sicknesses is it makes your stomach empty quicker than normal. After being at the doctor I phoned my IBD nurse to let her know what was going on and she thought it was best for me to be seen at the IBD clinic as soon as possible so I have had managed to score myself an appointment for the 7th August, so it's not too far away.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Where I have been

next post - Tuesday 16th 2019

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Where have I been

So hello there everyone, how are you all doing today?

As you may have seen there has been a serious lack of blog posts for a bit and that is due to a couple of reasons. So in June I was away from home visiting my best friend forever Lizzy in Essex, sadly though 6 days into my trip I became unwell and had to get an urgent flight home which was a whole heap of hassle but all I am going to say is thank goodness for Scottish airline Loganair and there Southend to Aberdeen flight.

Ever since I came back from my trip I have been having health problems which I am going to do more in-depth posts on, thankfully though I am now doing better and ready to get back to some sort of normal or should I say my normal as I will never be completely healthy as much as I want that so bad.


Well, that's it for today's post, after I have finished this post I will start working on some new posts so it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Saturday 30th March

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Saturday 30th March 2019

In my last entry, I was talking about getting gabapentin for my shoulder pain. It took me 2 days to get the prescription filled because a) the chemist could not give me tablets and b) they forgot to order the liquid medication.

So on Tuesday, I couldn't get the prescription filled because they didn't have a liquid form so they said had to order a bottle of liquid medicine from their stockist and that it would be ready for pick up on Wednesday. Just after lunchtime on Wednesday, I phoned to see if it was ready for pick up so the woman that answered the phone went to check. After being on hold for a few minutes she comes back and says the prescription wouldn't be ready because the medication had not been delivered. I was so annoyed, frustrated and really scared because the pain was making my depression so bad because the suicidal thoughts were starting to pop into my head. Sadly with the depression I have, I do tend to get suicidal thoughts and the reason I got them this time was due to lack of sleep and feeling that this nagging pain will never go away.

On Thursday I finally got the gabapentin and I was so grateful for it. When you start gabapentin you have to build up to the dose that you are supposed to be on, the dose that they wanted to me to be on is 100mg three times a day. For the first day I have to take 100mg once a week, the second week I have to take 100mg two times a day and the third week I take the prescribed dose of 100mg three times a day. I decided the best time to take the dose was before I went to bed because I thought it would relieve the pain enough for me to sleep. The gabapentin did help me sleep on Thursday night the only issue is it's making me really sleepy and I am having a really hard time staying awake which really sucks. It does say on the label "if sleepy do not drive" but I have been on numerous medications that have that on the label but they have never made me as sleepy as this, I do wonder if it is the combination of lack of sleep and new medication that is causing me to be so tired. I really hope that this wears off in the next couple of days because if it doesn't then I will have to stop taking it.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post -  Where have I been  

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Tuesday 26th March 2019

So ever since I had my 5 day bleed from my problem wound the recurring shoulder pain that I have has been getting progressively worse for over the past week. I have had pain in my shoulder previously but it normally lasts for a few days never a week. I am aware of certain health issues in the abdomen causing referred shoulder pain so I am wondering if the wound that I have where my rectum should be is the cause of my pain. I really should have asked the surgeon when I saw her at the clinic but there was so much going on that it never crossed my mind. The thing about this shoulder pain is, it has been going on for longer then the wound has been there but as I have mentioned in the previous posts the cause of the wound is unknown but one of the potential causes is an abscess so even though the wound wasn't open the abscess would have been growing.

The bad thing is this isn't the worse pain I have felt but it is certainly the most annoying. Over the years I have mainly had sharp stabbing pains but this is a dull, nagging, uncomfortable pain and as well those feelings it also feels like it's being squeezed really tightly. The best way to describe what it feels like is one of those blood pressure machines squeezing your arm all the time.

In May last year (2018) I went to the doctor about my shoulder pain and how it was causing me to get really depressed, I was barely able to sleep and couldn't really move my arm because the discomfort was that bad. When I went to my appointment I saw my regular GP and he put me on gabapentin but once the prescription ran out I never got another one because I didn't find it worked that well. Today though I couldn't take the nagging pain anymore, I literally felt like it was making me go insane and I really wanted to rip my arm off. Instead of phoning and asking to speak to the duty doctor I thought I would try my luck and phone the repeat prescription line but they said I needed to speak to the pharmacist so I spoke to her and explained the whole situation to her. She agreed to issue the prescription for 1 months supply on the condition I made an appointment with one of the GP's.

Things didn't exactly go to plan though and I couldn't pick up the prescription that day. Last year when I got the prescription from the doctor he gave me capsules but this time round the pharmacist said that I could not open capsules, pour out the powder and mix it with water an flush it through my feeding tube so she would prescribed the liquid form of gabapentin, I really don't get why I can't just do it this time as well. The issue with liquid medications is chemists don't tend to stock them because they cost more then tablets so that means I am going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it so that means another day of nagging pain and a night with no sleep.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post - Saturday 30th March

You can also follow me on 

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

I'm back

Well hello there it's been a very long time since I last posted on here and I am sorry about that but for some reason I just couldn't write a blog post. I have no idea why it happened it wasn't like I didn't have any ideas I just couldn't write things down and when I did force myself to write a blog post it just didn't make any sense.

I am pleased to announce that I have got my blogging mojo back and my brain is brimming with ideas so that means there will be new blog posts coming your way on all my of blogs.

Well that's it for today's post I know it's a short one but I just wanted to let you all know that you will be seeing new blog posts in the future so until next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

Wednesday 27th December 2017

Well today has been one those days where I needed to take care of the essentials, these are not my favourite type of days but they need to be done to so I can have better health. Better health = being able to do everything I want.

So today was an early start as I had appointment at the health centre to get bloods done at 8.40am. Before Christmas I phoned the IBD nurse because my anemia has got so bad that I can no longer wait for the portacath to be placed. I have tried to take the Ferrous Fumarate tablets that they have always prescribed in the past but my stomach and bowels does not like them tablets at all.

With it being the week between Christmas and New Year people didn't want to see the doctor so I managed to score myself a doctors appointment for that afternoon. I didn't just manage to get one appointment, I manage to a get two and having a double appointment meant I could get all my issues seen too. 

For the longest time now I have had this problem with my right shoulder, it's not the easiest thing to describe, I don't really get pain as such it's just really uncomfortable and it doesn't stay in the one place it goes down to the bicep. The best way to describe it is my shoulder is being pulled out of it's socket, I take paracetamol and dihydrocodiene but it doesn't seem to work and now I am at the point where I can't cope with it anymore plus it's taking it's toll on my mental health too. The GP did numerous things but he couldn't really say what it was, I had full range of mobility and more because I am hyper mobile. He decided to give me a prescription for diclofenac gel which I am concerned about using because it is a NSAID (anti-infammatory medication) and if you have Crohn's you are not suppose to use NSAID's. I did mention to him that people with IBD are not suppose to take NSAID's but he says as it's going on to the skin so it won't be absorbed into the body but I am still not a 100% sure if it is a good idea to use it. 



Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Thursday 16th March 2017

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Saturday 16th April 2016

So I had my last horse riding lesson before D-Day (dental surgery). I am so glad that I was able to make it this week because after falling off Hamish two weeks ago I really wanted to get back in the saddle before my surgery as I don't know how long I will not be able to ride for after my operation.

Today I got to ride a new pony called Dougal who is a beautiful Highland.

This was my very first time riding a Highland and my first time riding a different pony, in previous lessons I was always ridden Hamish but I was struggling so my riding instructor thought I would be better riding Dougal. They are complete opposites, Hamish is more of a plod a long and because I am still quite weak at the moment it is hard for me to get him going. Dougal on the other hand is so responsive and forward going, the slightest squeeze of the leg and his pace speeds up, the slightest pull on the reins he slows down.

My anxiety and stress levels have been on the rise this week with the upcoming surgery, I have actually been told that the symptoms that I display are like PTSD and yes I have been through some traumatic hospital stays over the years but I don't think I have PTSD. 

Thankfully this week my physical health has improved, the stomach cramps, horrendous sickness and elevated temperature have all settled. I was starting to get concerned that they would not do the  surgery if I was unwell, I certainly don't want to go back on the waiting list and wait another 7 months. 


Previous post: Sunday 10th April

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Sunday 10th April 2016

This week has been a week I'd rather forget. It has been awful so much so I would rather fall off Hamish (the pony I was riding last Saturday) again then deal with this pain. 

The stomach pain began at the beginning of the week but of course when you have Crohn's pain in your stomach is certainly not an unusual thing. Through the week the pain has been getting progressively worse to the point that the maximum paracetamol and dihydrocodiene dose isn't helping. It's low down central pain and in a normal woman's body this would mean that it's probably woman related issues but with my small bowel dropping down into my pelvis it could be my bowel or it could be something really simple like a UTI, oh how I wish things could just be straight forward. As well as the pain I haven't been able to get my temperature under 37C, I have felt sick and had really bad acid reflux.

I know that I should have phoned the doctor and this weekend I seriously contemplated phoning the out of hours but I know they will probably admit me because there is nothing they can really do and that's what is stopping me from going. I cannot get over my fear of hospitals which is going to become a major issue. 


Previous post: It's been a long time

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It's been a long time

Well hello there, it's been a long time since I last posted and if you follow me on twitter you will know why there hasn't been a one.

Let's start at the beginning. On Friday the 12th of February my mum slipped on black ice and broke her tibial plateau (the tibial plateau is a critical weight-bearing area located on the upper extremity of the tibia) in her left leg so these last few months have been very hard for me and the rest of my family, especially my dad. Due to where my mum broke her leg it meant that she needed to have surgery to have a plate and screws puy in and she was not allowed to weight bear on her left for 6 weeks. With everything that has happened my mental and physical health has taken a battering and I just haven't been able to write posts as my brain has felt in a permanent daze and any time I have attempted to write a post they just haven't made any sense, to be honest I am not sure if I really want a reminder of these last couple months. 

In other news I have finally got a date to go into hospital to get all my teeth removed, I have had to wait 7 months for this date which frankly is absolutely ridiculous. At first my teeth weren't really that sore so I wasn't that fussed but in the middle of February I started to develop horrendous pain and my head felt like it was in a vice. Despite taking maximum doses of paracetamol and dihydrocodiene the pain would just not ease at all in the end the only thing that would help with the pain was anitbiotics. I am really nervous about getting this op done as every surgery I have had before has ended with me having wounds that open up and infections.

So lets get on to the good news and that is I started horse riding again!!!!!! I use to ride every week until I was diagnosed with Crohn's 16 years ago and since then I have only had the odd lesson here and there but this year I made the decision to ride as much as I possibly can despite the Crohn's, pelvic pain, fatigue and dysphagia. The riding lesson haven't certainly haven't been easy, every time I have a 1 hour lesson I come home and sleep for 5-7 hours. I do suffer with pain and dehydration but it is worth it because I have finally found something that helps with my well-being and every time I get on the horse I forget about all the crap that is happening plus it's great to be spending time with such beautiful animals.

That is all for today's post and once again I am sorry for not posting for such a long time, until my next post remember to keep strong and keep fighting. xx


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Friday 29th January 2016

This has been a really tough month for me, I have not been able to shake the depression at all but I refuse to go to the doctor. I know that I should probably go but I am not feeling suicidal plus all they will want to do is change the anti-depressants that I am on and they will want me to go and talk to someone which I have done numerous times before and it is a complete waste of time. Another thing is I find that anti-depressants aren't really the solution because they come with their own side effects that can just be as bad as the depression. 

If the depression wasn't bad enough I have been noticing that my Crohn's has been getting worse. I am getting pain in areas that I never normally get and my appetite isn't as good either which is a really bad situation because I honestly don't eat enough as it is. Also the fatigue and brain fog has been getting worse but that's no surprise seeing as I still haven't been able to get my iron infusion due to not getting my portacath.

This month I made the decision to book myself a horse riding lesson. Before I got sick I went for riding lessons every week and it was my dream to have my own horse, take part in competitions and teach other people to ride. I had hoped to start riding again after my first ostomy and rectum removel surgery but that didn't happen due to the large rectal wound that I developed because the stupid thing decided to burst open 2 weeks after surgery. It has now been nearly  2 years since I had the final surgery to close the wound completely and touch wood everything has been fine since so I thought now is the time to start riding again. I also thought that going back to something I love will help with my depression, anxiety and agrophobia seeing as nothing else seems to be working at the moment. 

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Sunday 3rd January 2016

Just call me the New Year Scrooge. Words cannot describe how much I hate New Year!!!!!! I just don't see the point of it, maybe I would think differently if I didn't have all the health problems that I do. 

A new year is suppose to equal a fresh start but the start of a new year doesn't mean that all the shit that you were going through last year miraculously disappears when the clock strikes 12. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this bad if I didn't have a small bowel study MRI book for the 8th of January. I am seriously dreading it because the last time I had one of these done it was an absolute nightmare. 

If having depression wasn't bad enough my guts have been playing up since boxing day. I am having pain in a different area to where I normally do and my ostomy seems to be really sluggish for some reason which is very unusual for my bowels. I am one of these people that has to take loperamide/imodium 4 times a day and even then I still have a high ostomy output. As well as the bowels my chest has decided that it wants to act up as well, I should be grateful though as it's been a long time since I had inflammation in my chest wall. 

The only good thing about these health problems is I have discovered a new tv show called Sons of Anarchey. There is 7 seasons on Netflix so that will keep be busy or should I say distract me from my demons for a while. 

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Sunday 27th December 2015

Christmas didn't exactly go how I wanted it too but I did make the best of it. If there is one thing I am good at then that is making the best of it.

So every year I normally dress up, do my hair and makeup but this year I just stayed in my Christmas pyjamas because I knew that I would have to take a couple of naps during the day. I received lots of lovely gifts from my family this year but my favourite one out of all of them was a Me To You bauble with Daughter With Love on it from my parents.

Everybody seemed to like the gifts that I gave them thank goodness. Every year I get worried and stressed out about gift shopping, when I ask people what they want for their Christmas they say they don't know and then there is also having to make sure that each persons gift comes to the same amount as everyone else.

This year my oeophageal stricture's allowed me to have Christmas dinner with the rest of my family. Turkey, sage and onion stuffing, pigs in blankets, potatoes, cranberry sauce and gravy puree really well so much so that I didn't have to add extra water (typically I have to add extra water to get the food to a smooth consistany). Unfortunatly I did have an issue on Boxing Day with the leftovers because I added way to much gravy and ended up with Christmas dinner soup. 

Chistmas evening was spent like it has been for the last few years, every year I have a nap after and then spend the evening in front of the tv and watch the Dr Who, Call the Midwife and Mrs Brown's Boys. 

So all in all this years Christmas has been a good one. 


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