Monday 24th November 2014

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh I am still having water work problems!! The stupid thing is my bladder cannot decide on what it's doing, some days it is completely fine and then other days it's very painful to pass urine. Now I know I said that I thought it was caused by the imodium instant tablet that I took but I am actually starting to wonder if it is cystitis (urine infection) because this problem has been going on for over a week now and you would think that if it had been a side effect of the tablet it would have gone away by now. I might just phone the health centre tomorrow and ask for a urine analysis kit and maybe they will give me the standard 3 day course of Trimethoprim (antibiotics).

I really need to get my butt in gear this week and start working through the to do list I have because if I don't I am going to run out of time to do things. I really have to go to Hobbycraft this week to get the things that I need to make Christmas cards for my parents, sister and Grandma. Going to the craft shop is probably going to be a struggle as it will be the furthest that I have been away from home and it will also be the busiest place I have been to since the start of this whole agoraphobia thing. I have to admit that just thinking about doing this scares the shit out of me but I need to push myself to do this because I really need to move forward with my life and I have loads of plans which I can not do at the moment because I can't go out of the house.


Previous post -  Thursday 20th November                                                                                                                                                                        Next post - Saturday 6th December

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 20th November 2014

Excuse the bad language but my stupid health is being a complete shit head again and this diary entry is probably going to end up being a complete and utter ramble, so I am sorry about that.  I felt really fatigued in the middle of last week to the point I could not function but that was honestly to be expected after I had to look after my sister with special needs from Monday to Wednesday (my parents wanted to go away for a few days). So from Wednesday to Saturday I had to have some relaxing, chill out days because I was really tired.

On the Sunday (16th) I had ran out of my prescribed liquid lopermide which is medication I use to slow down my ostomy/stoma output so I took some imodium instants which is an over the counter medication that I take when I am out and about because I don't like carrying around a bottle of lopermide because a: the bottle is made of glass and b: the bottles have a bad habit of leaking. A few after hours after I took one imodium instant tablet I started to have water works problems (bladder problems). I ended up in a lot of pain, I felt like I needed to pee all the time but I couldn't go and when I did pee it burned really bad. It's now 4 days later, I haven't taken anymore of the tablets but I am still having problems going the bathroom. Who knew that such a little tablet that I have had plenty times before could cause so many problems. 

This week I have also had to make an appointment at the health centre with my GP for the 4th of December because I have been having problems with my legs. For the past couple of weeks when I touch my legs they feel pretty numb, it goes all the way for my hips to my ankles but the weird thing is I don't have any problems with my balance and I can feel my legs when I am walking. It really doesn't make any sense to me because you would think that having numb legs would mean I would struggle to bear weight on my legs, I'll just have to wait and see what the doctor says at the appointment. 


Previous post -  Sunday 9th November                                                                                                                                                                            Next post - Monday 24th November

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 9th November 2014

So I spent most of my weekend trying to write a Christmas/Birthday list as it has come to that time of year where everyone wants to know what I want for Christmas. The thing is there is only one thing that I want for Christmas and that is a dog, a collie dog to be precise but the parents don't want any more pets so I am just going to have to wait until I get a place of my own and goodness knows when that will be. I know at the moment it looks very unlikely that I will ever have my own place to live as my career prospects don't look promising at the moment because the Crohn's and dysphagia doesn't not look like it is going to go away any time soon but I will never give up on my dream having my own house a collie dog. 


Previous post -  Thursday 6th November                                                                                                                                                                     Next post - Thursday 20th November

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 6th November 2014

So this week it is Leona 1 - Agrophobia 0. 

If you read my previous blog post you will know that I planned to go to the organised fireworks in the city, well I am very pleased to say that I managed to go. I may have sat in the car the whole time but that is not the point I managed to get of the house for over an hour and it's the furthest I have been away from the house (13 miles from home) since I came out of the hospital on 11th of April. I did find it extremely nerve racking, my legs turned to jelly and I was sweating like a pig but my desire to see the fireworks out weight the desire to be safe and stay at home. 

Going to the display meant that I was able to try out my new Canon 70D for the very first time. I did get some really  good photos but some of the other ones were a bit blurred but considering it was the first time using the camera and I was using it in the dark I got more good photos then I was expecting.

To see all the photographs that I took then click on this link - http://goo.gl/7CFg2L

I am really glad that I pushed myself through my anxiety/agoraphobia barrier because I really did enjoy it and I actually think I would have been very upset if I hadn't pushed myself to go. 


Previous post -  Tuesday 4th November                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Sunday 9th November

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Tuesday 4th November 2014

So things finally picked up for me mood wise since I  last wrote, I no longer feel depressed and I have got my old fighting spirit back. 

The grumpy guts are still playing up, I still have that pain on the right hand side that goes from above my ileostomy down to my hip. I am really starting to wonder if the pain is were the adhesion's are, I forgot to ask my GI doctor where they were when he told me about them. 

Tomorrow I have set myself a challenge and that is to go to the city and see the firework display that they put on for Bonfire Night, I have actually only ever missed one of display's and I would really like to keep it that way. Now you may be thinking how are you going to go to a very crowded place well I'm not, every time I go to the display I find a place to park the car that has view of the fireworks then sit in the car and watch them. It sounds very simple and easy to me at the moment but by tomorrow my brain will be thinking about the worst possible situations and then I will probably think that staying at home is what I should do because it's a safe place. 


Previous post - Tuesday 28th October                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Thursday 6th November

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Tuesday 28th October 2014

So since I last wrote things went really down hill with my physical health and it badly affected my mental health. 

The day after I wrote I ended up having a pretty bad Crohn's flare (because I have a bad form of crohn's I normally have some sort of flare everyday) which resulted in me having severe pain on the right hand side that went from above my ileostomy down to my hip. As well as the stomach pain I had really bad crushing chest and collar bone pain, for me the chest pain is always the worst, I really hate how my chest feels like it's being crushed because it's bloody scary. 

Due to having these physical health problems my mental health took a bit of a nose dive again. Saturday and Sunday were the worst days because I kind of lost the will to fight, which in turn meant I stopped taking care of myself properly. What didn't help the situation was those sleeping tablets, I shouldn't have taken them and I will probably never ever take them because they ended up giving me terrible nightmare's and I also kept seeing spiders which was absolutely horrible. 


Previous post - Thursday 23rd October                                                                                                                                                                    Next post - Tuesday 4th November

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

If you have any questions feel free to email me at crohnsquine@gmail.com 

or tweet me at @mycrohnslife

Thursday 23rd October 2014

This week has been a mixed bag but more good things have happened then a bad so that a positive in itself. 

At the beginning of the week I had a mini meltdown due lack of sleep, so on Tuesday I bit the bullet and asked my GP (primary care physician) for some a couple of sleeping tablets. He ended up giving me a weeks supply of zoplicone which really doesn't work for me as they stop working after two doses and they also give me hallucinations, thankfully though the hallucinations are not as bad as the Ketamine pain medication ones. I did get those couple of good nights sleep that I had been badly wanting so now I am not as over tired but I still need to get a lot more sleep. When I was also on the phone to him I told him how every time I ordered a repeat prescription it said I needed to attend a review appointment at the health centre, so he sorted that issue out as well.

So yesterday I received my new camera, the Canon 70D. 

I cannot tell you how happy I am to have this baby in my possession. :) :) :) I also got an excellent deal with my camera, it came with a free canon camera bag, which will fit my new camera and two lenses and I also got a 32GB extreme SD card. 

Normally the bag and SD card would cost £88.99 but I got it for free which brill because I need a bag and SD card to put this camera in. 

Previous post - Sunday 19th October                                                                                                                                                                          Next post - Tuesday 28th October

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

If you have any questions feel free to email me at crohnsquine@gmail.com 

or tweet me at @Crohns_Quine

Sunday 19th October 2014

By Friday all my new Halloween decorations arrived so I spent most of Friday putting them up. Now you may be thinking to yourself how can it take you most of the day to put up decorations in one room well when you are suffering badly with a chronic illness everything takes you twice as long to do. As soon as I start doing anything at the moment I start to feel sick and I also go from being constantly freezing cold to pouring with sweat but never mind about my health my Halloween decorating turned out great I actually think that this is best bit of Halloween decorating I have ever done. 

Also today I finally took the plunge and bought something that I have been wanting for a very, very, very long time now and that is the Canon 70D DLSR camera. I have been wanting to upgrade from my 550D for a while now because the 70D is a higher spec then my old DLSR but at over £800 it's a bit expensive. The thing is over the last 7 years I have come to realise that life is short and you only have one life so you need to do what you want now because when your time comes you don't want to look back at your life and have regrets. 


Previous post - Wednesday 15th October                                                                                                                                                                      Next post - 

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

If you have any questions feel free to email me at crohnsquine@gmail.com 
or tweet me at @Crohns_Quine

Wednesday 15th October 2014

So since my last diary entry things have been up and now, especially with my grumpy guts. I have developed this pain on the left hand side above my ostomy/stoma and also sometimes my bowels or should I say bowel feels really clogged up. In normal circumstances I would think I have some sort of obstruction but how can I have an obstruction when I don't eat any solid food. It honestly doesn't make any sense but when does anything make sense when it comes to my health problems, in the words of doctor's I am complicated. 

Today I had my 2nd assessment appointment with the Occupational Therapist and it went as well as the first one did, we talked some more about the things I have phobias of, which is surprise, surprise is hospital's and medical tests. Also today we discussed what goals I would like to achieve and I also mentioned how I thought the medication that I was on wasn't making any difference to my anxiety and depression. So the outcome of the appointment was that I am to start desensitization, I have know I idea what it is about but she did give some material to read on desensitization.

As well as the desensitization she is going is going to arrange an appointment for me to see the community psychiatrist so that I can get the medication that I am on reassessed so maybe I will get something that actually works. The final thing we discussed was going out of the house, so next Thursday she is going to come and I am going to attempt to go out in the car, which is going to be very interesting. I think the key thing for me to do is not over think the situation but I am one of these people who does over think situation's and worries about what could possibly go wrong.



Previous post - Monday 6th October                                                                                                                                                                      Next post - Sunday 19th October

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Monday 6th October 2014

Apologies for this diary entry being posted late but I have been struggling with my physical health and I have also had really bad brain fog these last few days so I am really sorry if this post doesn't make sense in places.  

The depression has seemed to have past and I am feeling a bit happier and more positive now. I always find it really difficult at this time of year because a lot bad things have happened to me in October so it always brings back a lot of bad memories plus I also think I have a touch of seasonal affective disorder.

So today was my first session with the occupational therapist and it went really well, she is a really lovely, friendly Irish woman so I felt totally at ease when I was speaking to her. The plan that the community mental health team have at the moment is for the occupational therapist to do 2-3 assessment appointments and then she will go back and speak to the psychologist, they will then decide on which form of treatment I will need but because I am already on anti depressants and beta blockers it will probably be something like cognitive behavioural therapy or counselling.  

As I said the appointment went really well and I think that is probably due to the fact that she understands about anxiety problems and depression, unlike my GI team who do not seem to have a clue. It really helps to speak to somebody who has some knowledge of these types of issues because it makes you feel a lot less stupid, sometimes when you speak to people who have never had any experience with anxiety or depression they make you feel stupid and even in some cases they like to make fun of your problems which is just plain nasty. 



Previous post - Thursday 2nd October                                                                                                                                                                Next post - Wednesday 15th October

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 2nd October 2014

So since I last wrote (Thurs 25th Sept) nothing much has really changed I am still struggling with my mood and the extra stress that I am being put under is not helping matters plus my grumpy guts are starting to play up now because of the stress.

So on Tuesday I got another letter from the GI clinic with another appointment for the 20th of October. I have already told them a few times now that I have agoraphobia and I said that I will either phone my GI's secetary or IBD nurse to tell them when I am able to go to appointments again but it seems to have fallen on deaf ears. The other doctor that I am having issues with is a new GP who has recently joined the health centre that I go to. This GP keeps putting notes on any prescriptions that I order saying that my review appointment is over due but it's not. My review appointment was due on the 24th June so on the 26th June I had a phone appointment (as I couldn't go out of the house) with the GP that I regularly see, we discussed the issues that I was having with my anxiety, depression and Crohn's and he told me to say on the same medication that I was on. I really would wish this new GP would mind their own business especially as I have never seen them before. 

One good thing that has happened since I last wrote is I got my Debenhams order on Saturday.

Last week Debenhams was doing 10% off all beauty and fragrance so I decided to take full advantage of the discount plus I thought to I deserve to treat myself to something that makes me happy after all the crap I have had to deal with recently. I always suffer from criticism when I buy make up, every body's like you have enough makeup already, you are never going to use it all but this is my hobby, it's what I love and it's make me happy so I am going to continue buying it.


Previous post - Thursday 25th September                                                                                                                                                                  Next post - Monday 6th October

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 25th September 2014

I really wish I could say that things stayed happy and positive but they didn't things finally got on top of me and I ended up being in a very bad head space today. 

As I said in the previous diary entry on Tuesday I had a bit of a rough day well the rough day's continued yesterday and today, with today being worst day so far. On Tuesday I was just having Crohn's related problems but on Wednesday my bladder and kidneys decided that they were going to join in too and today I had a parcial obstruction. I have absolutely know idea how I even got this parical blockage because I can't eat solid food due to the oesophageal stricture's being to narrow. 

After having 3 days full of problems I had a mini meltdown and just wanted to give up. I am sick of being in pain, I am sick of feeling sick, I am sick of not being able to eat properly, I am sick of being dehydrated, I am sick of fighting with health care professionals to get treatment, I am just sick of everything. When am I going to feel better, when will I be able to live the life that I want. 


Previous post - Tuesday 23rd September

                                                                                      Next post - Thursday 2nd October

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Tuesday 23rd September 2014

So today has been a bit of a rough day as I have had sickness and pain on and off all day but despite that I have felt really positive. 

I think my positivity is due to having such a good week last week, I honestly haven't had such a good week in a long time. The Crohn's and dysphagia didn't cause to many problems, I didn't feel that depressed, I was able to go out of the house for the first time in 5 months and I have finally managed to get my sleeping pattern back to normal. 

I really do hope that this positive mood will last and that this week will be as good as last week. 


Previous post - Thursday 18th September

                                                                                 Next post - Thursday 25th September

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Thursday 18th September 2014

Today was a good day because....... I went out of the house! I went of the house!! I went out of the house!!!

I think it has been over 5 months since I was last out in a public place, granted it was only for 10 minutes and the place that I went to was really quiet but it's better then not going out at all. On Wednesday I planned to go and vote at the village public hall the following day, by Thursday morning I had changed my mind and decided that I wasn't going but in the late afternoon something changed and I thought screw it I am going to go. So I shoved on some clothes and went out with no makeup on because I thought by the time I have put on makeup I will probably chicken out again. As I was going out of the house I felt like I was in this small bubble, my heart was racing and I started to sweat so bad, I just kept telling myself in my head that everything was going to be fine, nothing was going to happen and of course in the end everything was fine. 

I have been thinking about what my next goal should be and I think it should be the village shop. The village shop isn't that much further away from my house then the public hall but it will be busier. There is one other place that I really want to go and that is the beach because I desperately want to try out that new zoom lens that I for my camera a few weeks back but I don't know if it is a good idea just yet because the beach  is 10 minutes away from my house. 


Previous post - Saturday 13th September

                                                                                  Next post - Tuesday 23rd September

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Saturday 13th September 2014

This week didn't really get off to the best of starts because the oesophageal stricture's of course wanted to play havoc once again. On Sunday when I last wrote I was able to drink small sips but the stricture's closed up again completely and then on Thursday it mysteriously opened up. When I woke up on Thursday morning I had to bring up the saliva that didn't go down during the night and I couldn't drink, but by night time I was able to drink and just not the small sips either large sips was going down. These stricture's make absolutely no sense at all, once stricture's are narrowed the only way to get the open again is by dilation, they don't open by themselves. 

So I finally cooked this week. (Cooking and baking are some of my favourite hobbies but it has been a long time since last I did any cooking because it makes me upset as I can't eat the finished thing) It felt really good doing something that I love, despite not being able to eat it. I was orginally going to cook Sichuan-style pork & green bean stir-fry for the family but I could not find any Sichuan pepper where I live. Thankfully I did mange to find another recipe, Black Bean Pork with Noodles that used most of ingredients that I bought for the stir-fry. 

I honestly cannot wait to cook again so much so that I have already decided on what I want to cook next, Lemon Parmesan Pasta with Chicken which is a recipe that I found on pinterest. I really want to start baking again as well but I really need to buy myself a food mixer because I certainly do not have the strength to use a hand held mixer anymore. 



Previous post - Sunday 7th September

                                                                                Next post - Thursday 18th September

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest 

Sunday 7th September 2014

So finally some good things have happened this week. Good thing number one is I am finally able to drink small sips which means my oesophagus had become irradiated and swollen shut so fingers crossed in a few more days it will be back to normal, well normal for me. 

Good thing number 2 is I have finally got an appointment with an occupational therapist on Tuesday the 30th of September. An occupational therapist is suppose to help me with my anxiety problems and I have had a few people say that seeing an occupational therapist really helped them with their anxiety issues. 

This weekend I was finally in the mood to started cooking again. Cooking and baking are some of my favourite hobbies but it has been a long time since last I did any cooking because it makes me upset asI can't eat the finished thing but now my appetite has finally disappeared I can be around food now again. So as I said I had planned to cook but I couldn't find all the ingredients that the recipe needed. :( There is a couple of more places that I can try but if I can't find them there I will just have to make something else. 


Previous post - Thursday 4th September

                                                                                        Next post - Sunday 14th September

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 

my facebook group | pinterest

Thursday 4th September 2014

Sorry that there has not been any blog posts for a little while but I have been dealing with a with problems. 

So these last couple weeks my oesophagus has been playing silly buggers with me. Last week it seemed to open up a bit so I decided to give some very watered down pureed food (it was more like soup really) a try which went down no problem. After doing this for a couple days my oesophagus and throat started to be come raw and sore which I couldn't really understand because the stuff that I was making was of a soup like consistency so how could it be irritating the oesophagus. 

By Sunday it was really bad and then on Monday morning when I tried to drink nothing would go down at all, even saliva wouldn't go down. I really do hate when that happens because a) I can't speak to anybody because speaking causes me to make more saliva so I start choking, b) having to bring up horrible thick saliva is bloody disgusting and c) due to becoming badly dehydrated I feel like I am living in a fuzzy, spaced out world. 

I am really hoping that this is just a hiccup and that it has just become swollen due to being irritated. Over the past 3 years I have learnt that sometimes it just swells shut because something has irritated and after a week or so the swelling goes down enough for me to be able to drink again. 


Previous post - Saturday 2nd August

                                                                                          Next post - Sunday 7th September

You can follow me on:

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube 
my facebook group | pinterest