What will I be posting

Hello everyone, I hope you are all staying safe. Today I thought do a super quick post telling you what my plans are for posts on this blog.

The plan is I will be writing a blog post on exactly what has happened after my admission to the hospital for 3 infections in May 2020. I will tell you about my worsening mental health, the surgery that happened in July to fix my 12-year-old perianal, plus the multiple problems that have happened post-op, and what happened to me after my first Covid vaccine back in February. At this time I have not decided if I am going to do one long post or split them up into three posts, if you have a preference on what you would prefer then please let me know. The final thing is I will be posting diary/journal posts that I have written since last May but never posted.

Well, that's it for today's post everyone. I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

    

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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It's been a long time *TRIGGER WARNING*

Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. To be honest, I don't really know what to put in this post, all I know is I wanted to write something

The last time I posted a blog post was back in September 2020 I was telling you about my admission to the hospital in the middle of the first wave of the Coronviruse pandemic. The reason why there were no blog posts after that was due to my mental health. I had been struggling with my mental health from the beginning of the year but it was made a lot worse by the operation I had in July to fix my perianal wound. Having that operation was one of the biggest mistakes I have made in my life because all it has done is made the wound worse which means my life revolves around it. It's like a nightmare that never ends and sometimes I think it would be better to end it. Taking medication to help with depression can only do so much when you can not get rid of the thing that is causing the depression.

That's all for this post, sorry it's a bit of a downer, I will try and to more in-depth posts of what is exactly going on when I feel up to it.

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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Admitted to the hospital during the pandemic, part 2 - May 2020

Hello there everyone and welcome to Part 2 of being admitted to the hospital during the Coronavirus pandemic. If you haven't read part one I suggest you read that post first. 

Here is the link to that post - Admitted to hospital during the pandemic. (Part 1)

As I got transferred to the GI ward in the evening I just saw one of the FY1 doctors and she gave me the good news that my bowel x-ray showed no blockages, as Tthere was nothing more that could be done that evening so she said she would see me in the morning with the registrar that was covering the ward that week.

Monday - The next day I wasn't feeling much better and when the doctors came round the registrar said that there was nothing obvious going on, the x-ray was clear and my inflammatory markers were normal so it wasn't a Crohn's flare. My blood tests did show that my potassium and phosphate were low so I needed to take medication to bring those levels back up. The registrar decided that it would be a good idea for them to test my urine and stool (poop) and when I mentioned to her about my perianal wound being gunky she decided that it should be swabbed to see if it was infected. The rest of the day was your pretty standard inpatient hospital day, they decided to keep me on fluids for another day as I was still dehydrated.

Tuesday - On Tuesday afternoon the nurse came into my room and said I need to start iv vancomycin because I had tested positive for cdiff. I was so shocked to be told that I had cdiff, I hadn't been out of the house to catch it from anyone, no one in my house had been displaying symptoms and I had not been on antibiotics recently. I was really worried that the iv vancomycin was going to give me red mans syndrome because every time I am on antibiotics I always end up with side effects but thankfully it didn't happen. The only thing that happened was my face felt like something was brushing up against it all the time.

Wednesday - On Wednesday I was told by the registrar that I just didn't have cdiff, I also had a urine infection and my perianal wound was infected so as well as being on vancomycin I also needed to take metronidazole by mouth. T hey also decided to switch the vancomycin from iv to tablets. There was a slight issue with the vancomycin tablets though, they only came in capsules but it wasn't powder that was in the capsule it was this hard stuff that wouldn't come out of the capsule when opened. The decision was made to give me liquid vancomycin but the liquid vancomycin was the stuff they used in the iv's which really concerned me but they said it was alright for me to take it that way. As well as being told that I 3 infections they also told me that my B12 was low which meant I needed to start taking injections for the rest of my life and my folic acid was also low so I needed to take folic acid tablets for 3 months.

Thursday - I was starting to feel better, I was able to eat and drink more, I no longer needed to be on any iv fluids and I could manage the nausea by taking ondansetron and cyclizine orally. The doctors said if I did okay on Thursday that I would be allowed to go home on Friday.

Well, that's it for part 2. You may be wondering if I was discharged home on Friday why am I not finishing this blog post, well when I was discharged home things did not exactly go to plan so that means there will be an Admitted to the hospital during the pandemic, part 2 coming your way next week. Until next time...............

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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Admitted to hospital during the pandemic. (Part 1)

For a good number of months, I had been feeling really run down physically but on Wednesday the 23rd of April, I started to get a sore stomach and was feeling sick over the next few days I continued to get worse and by Saturday evening I was feeling extremely unwell and dehydrated. I knew I needed to phone the out of hours doctors but I was really scared to because I didn't want to go into hospital in case I would end up getting Coronavirus. I kept telling myself I can do this, I am strong and I can wait until Monday to phone my GP and then I won't have to go into hospital but Sunday came around and I couldn't cope anymore. I was in too much pain, I felt like I was going to throw up, I was very weak because I hadn't eaten or really drank anything for 3 days and I was very tired because I hadn't been able to sleep. Even though I was terrified of going into hospital I also knew that it was really bad for me to stay at home and even if I did wait until Monday and phoned my GP they would have put me in the hospital because there was nothing they could really do.

I phoned 111 and explained to the call handler about my situation and then I was put through to a nurse immediately and we discussed what was going on, she decided I had to speak to a doctor but I couldn't speak to one straight away so I had to wait a couple of hours for one to phone me back. When the doctor phoned I explained what was going on he said I had to go A&E and I began to panic because A&E was where all the people who had the virus or were thought to have virus went. I really started to have second thoughts about going to the hospital and my anxiety was through the roof. My mum was also concerned so she decided to phone the A&E department and we found out that the department had been split into 2 so there was the clean area which means it's virus-free and there was the infected area and the staff who worked in the virus area never went to the clean area so that made me feel a little better.

My mum drove me to the hospital and when we arrived we found out that I would have to stand in the queue which was outside because everybody that wanted to go in needed to be checked to make sure that they had no symptoms of the virus. There was a slight issue though and that was I was unable to stand in a queue because I was too weak, thankfully though the people who were in the queue were very nice and let me go straight to the front and I got taken in straight away. As soon as you went in through the entrance you were met by 2 nurses, who took your details, checked your temperature, and asked you questions to see if you had symptoms of Covid. Once I was cleared to go into the hospital I went to the A&E reception and told the receptionist my name and why I was there. I was really pleased to find out that I didn't have to go into the A&E department because the GP had managed to get me on a bed in the medical assessment ward.

When I arrived in the medical assessment ward I was immediately taken to my bed and the nurse started taking my vitals and doing the hospital admission paperwork. Once that was done I was then seen by one of the wards nurse practitioners, she inserted a cannula and gave me iv cyclizine (an anti-sickness) and paracetamol which was then followed by iv fluids to rehydrate me. The nurse practitioner also felt my stomach, listened to my chest, took blood, and ordered an x-ray of my stomach to see if there were was a blockage which, thankfully there was not. It was decided by the medical team on the assessment ward that I needed to stay in hospital as they did not know what was making me unwell and they were going to transfer me to the GI ward.

That is all for part 1 of my hospital admission post,  I hope you enjoyed reading it and I will try and post part 2 as soon as I possibly can but until next time..........

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

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It's been a long time

Well hello there everyone it's been a very long time and I am really sorry about that but mentally I was not in a good place and had to take some time to myself. Despite being on anti-depressants and anxiety medications I wasn't in a good place, I lost interest in everything I liked to do and I had no energy or motivation to do anything, even the simple things like making food and taking care of my personal hygiene was tough. Thankfully though things have got better after I was treated for a B12 and folate deficiency. B12 and folate deficiency can cause depression, anxiety, tiredness, and lack of energy so it explains why I was still struggling despite taking the anti-depressants and anxiety medication. Sadly though despite being treated for the deficiencies I do still suffer fatigue but at least my mental health is doing better than it was and hopefully I do not go back to the place I was at mentally for the past 10-11 months.

Now that I have got myself out of the hole and got my passion for blogging back I will be posting new posts on this blog as well as my new blog Crohn's Dysphagia and Ostomies. Hopefully, my first post will be up on this blog this week but I can't 100% guarantee that because right now I am on antibiotics which gives me really bad side effects but I will try my very best to get it posted by next week.

Well, that's it for today's post, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

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Friday 26th July 2019

Well, this past week has been a bit of a nightmare for my health because we are going through a heatwave right now and with what I have they do not go together. Having your large bowel removed means you are more prone to dehydration because that part of the bowel plays a big part in absorbing water so you can probably imagine how hard it is to stay hydrated in this ridiculous heat. I have been struggling really bad and have been dealing with all the symptoms you can get, dry mouth, dry skin, low urine output, headaches, I actually had chest pain last night which made me think my potassium was low so I drunk a lot of water and thankfully the pain went away.

This past week my stomach pain has been acting up but thankfully it's not long until my IBD clinic appointment. I don't know how much they will be able to do if it is adhesions, I know they can do surgery but the last abdominal surgery I had was extremely painful to the point that ketamine barely touched the pain post-operation. Even though surgery is a way to fix the adhesions it will just cause more scarring tissue to happen which will cause more adhesions because scarring from surgery is what causes adhesions.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Tuesday 16th July

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Tuesday 16th July 2019

The chronic pain in my shoulder has been driving me round the twist this past weekend. It really is starting to control my life, I am barely using my right arm because I am scared to cause myself any more pain. I don't understand how bad joint pain can be so bad when there is no inflammation in my body plus I don't have anything like arthritis even though that can be a side effect of having Crohn's. When I went to get my shoulder x-ray done two and a half weeks ago they said the results would be back within two weeks but surprise, surprise they are not. To be honest, I am not surprised they weren't, I have never had radiology results come back so quickly as an outpatient. I am really getting to the tether as my depression is now being triggered but I really don't know what more they can do as I am already on 3 pain medications, paracetamol, dihydrocodeine, and gabapentin.

Despite all the pain, I took another step forward in beating my social anxiety. I don't really think I have talked about it much on here but I am a PC gamer and one of my all-time favorite games is Arma 3 which is a military simulator. I have been with the same Arma 3 community for the past two and a half years but this past weekend I decided to take the plunge and apply to another community. Previously with my social anxiety, I would never have gone out of my comfort zone and apply for this other community. I am pleased to announce that I got accepted and I just have to do my 2 phases of training before I can join in the missions, I wish I applied sooner now.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Friday 12th 2019

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Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Friday 12th July 2019

Since I last wrote several positive and negative things have happened since I last posted on here. I think I will start with the positive things. After 2 previous failed attempts I finally managed to go and visit my friend Lizzy down in the London area and get on a plane to Heathrow which is one of the World's busiest airports all by myself.

For those who are new to reading my blog, I use to have agoraphobia and was not able to go out of the house for a couple of years so doing this trip was a massive achievement for me. Sadly though my trip didn't go completely to plan and it was cut short due to me ending up with some type of gastro bug type thing. Trying to get a flight home was a bit of a nightmare because the flight I managed to book from Heathrow was overbooked so I couldn't get on that plane but thankfully Loganair came to the rescue and I was able to get a seat on their flight from Southend.

You may be wondering why I decided to come home, it was due to my being unsure of what the actual cause was. Five days before I left I had a partial blockage which will become more relevant later on but the last time I got an upset stomach as bad as what I was having I had to be admitted to the hospital for fluids and potassium because my body couldn't cope with having gastroenteritis. As much as I didn't want to come home, I also didn't really want to be stuck in a hospital with a gastro team that didn't know me because I am so complex and I also didn't want to be a bother to Lizzy and her family because as my fellow chronic illness warriors know life can be tough on the patient, family, and friends. Once I arrived home on Sunday evening I immediately had a shower so that I didn't pick any bugs from being on the plane and headed straight to bed. I woke up the following day and was still not feeling any better so I phoned my doctor's surgery and thankfully I got seen just after 11am in the morning which is pretty quick for a Monday as waiting times can be pretty long. The doctor that I saw was not 100% sure what was causing my illness so she decided to send away a blood and stool (poo) sample as well as give me another anti-sickness medication. After a few days of rest, I was feeling a bit better but still not that well despite the test results coming back normal. After a week and a bit of still feeling pain, sickness, and acid reflux I decided to go back to the doctor because I was getting a bit concerned. I saw the same doctor that I did the first time around, she checked my pulse, blood pressure and temperature which were all normal. The last check that she did was of my stomach, she felt an area of fullness so Dr. E thinks my pain and sickness is due to bowel adhesions. Adhesions are sadly a side effect of having the surgery I have had. The doctor decided to put me onto a new anti-sickness medication called metoclopramide, what is different about this medication compared to the other anti-sicknesses is it makes your stomach empty quicker than normal. After being at the doctor I phoned my IBD nurse to let her know what was going on and she thought it was best for me to be seen at the IBD clinic as soon as possible so I have had managed to score myself an appointment for the 7th August, so it's not too far away.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading and it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Where I have been

next post - Tuesday 16th 2019

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Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Where have I been

So hello there everyone, how are you all doing today?

As you may have seen there has been a serious lack of blog posts for a bit and that is due to a couple of reasons. So in June I was away from home visiting my best friend forever Lizzy in Essex, sadly though 6 days into my trip I became unwell and had to get an urgent flight home which was a whole heap of hassle but all I am going to say is thank goodness for Scottish airline Loganair and there Southend to Aberdeen flight.

Ever since I came back from my trip I have been having health problems which I am going to do more in-depth posts on, thankfully though I am now doing better and ready to get back to some sort of normal or should I say my normal as I will never be completely healthy as much as I want that so bad.


Well, that's it for today's post, after I have finished this post I will start working on some new posts so it shouldn't be too long before you see a new one, until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Saturday 30th March

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Saturday 30th March 2019

In my last entry, I was talking about getting gabapentin for my shoulder pain. It took me 2 days to get the prescription filled because a) the chemist could not give me tablets and b) they forgot to order the liquid medication.

So on Tuesday, I couldn't get the prescription filled because they didn't have a liquid form so they said had to order a bottle of liquid medicine from their stockist and that it would be ready for pick up on Wednesday. Just after lunchtime on Wednesday, I phoned to see if it was ready for pick up so the woman that answered the phone went to check. After being on hold for a few minutes she comes back and says the prescription wouldn't be ready because the medication had not been delivered. I was so annoyed, frustrated and really scared because the pain was making my depression so bad because the suicidal thoughts were starting to pop into my head. Sadly with the depression I have, I do tend to get suicidal thoughts and the reason I got them this time was due to lack of sleep and feeling that this nagging pain will never go away.

On Thursday I finally got the gabapentin and I was so grateful for it. When you start gabapentin you have to build up to the dose that you are supposed to be on, the dose that they wanted to me to be on is 100mg three times a day. For the first day I have to take 100mg once a week, the second week I have to take 100mg two times a day and the third week I take the prescribed dose of 100mg three times a day. I decided the best time to take the dose was before I went to bed because I thought it would relieve the pain enough for me to sleep. The gabapentin did help me sleep on Thursday night the only issue is it's making me really sleepy and I am having a really hard time staying awake which really sucks. It does say on the label "if sleepy do not drive" but I have been on numerous medications that have that on the label but they have never made me as sleepy as this, I do wonder if it is the combination of lack of sleep and new medication that is causing me to be so tired. I really hope that this wears off in the next couple of days because if it doesn't then I will have to stop taking it.

Well, that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post -  Where have I been  

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Tuesday 26th March 2019

So ever since I had my 5 day bleed from my problem wound the recurring shoulder pain that I have has been getting progressively worse for over the past week. I have had pain in my shoulder previously but it normally lasts for a few days never a week. I am aware of certain health issues in the abdomen causing referred shoulder pain so I am wondering if the wound that I have where my rectum should be is the cause of my pain. I really should have asked the surgeon when I saw her at the clinic but there was so much going on that it never crossed my mind. The thing about this shoulder pain is, it has been going on for longer then the wound has been there but as I have mentioned in the previous posts the cause of the wound is unknown but one of the potential causes is an abscess so even though the wound wasn't open the abscess would have been growing.

The bad thing is this isn't the worse pain I have felt but it is certainly the most annoying. Over the years I have mainly had sharp stabbing pains but this is a dull, nagging, uncomfortable pain and as well those feelings it also feels like it's being squeezed really tightly. The best way to describe what it feels like is one of those blood pressure machines squeezing your arm all the time.

In May last year (2018) I went to the doctor about my shoulder pain and how it was causing me to get really depressed, I was barely able to sleep and couldn't really move my arm because the discomfort was that bad. When I went to my appointment I saw my regular GP and he put me on gabapentin but once the prescription ran out I never got another one because I didn't find it worked that well. Today though I couldn't take the nagging pain anymore, I literally felt like it was making me go insane and I really wanted to rip my arm off. Instead of phoning and asking to speak to the duty doctor I thought I would try my luck and phone the repeat prescription line but they said I needed to speak to the pharmacist so I spoke to her and explained the whole situation to her. She agreed to issue the prescription for 1 months supply on the condition I made an appointment with one of the GP's.

Things didn't exactly go to plan though and I couldn't pick up the prescription that day. Last year when I got the prescription from the doctor he gave me capsules but this time round the pharmacist said that I could not open capsules, pour out the powder and mix it with water an flush it through my feeding tube so she would prescribed the liquid form of gabapentin, I really don't get why I can't just do it this time as well. The issue with liquid medications is chemists don't tend to stock them because they cost more then tablets so that means I am going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it so that means another day of nagging pain and a night with no sleep.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

previous post - Thursday 21st March

next post - Saturday 30th March

You can also follow me on 

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Wednesday 27th December 2017

Well today has been one those days where I needed to take care of the essentials, these are not my favourite type of days but they need to be done to so I can have better health. Better health = being able to do everything I want.

So today was an early start as I had appointment at the health centre to get bloods done at 8.40am. Before Christmas I phoned the IBD nurse because my anemia has got so bad that I can no longer wait for the portacath to be placed. I have tried to take the Ferrous Fumarate tablets that they have always prescribed in the past but my stomach and bowels does not like them tablets at all.

With it being the week between Christmas and New Year people didn't want to see the doctor so I managed to score myself a doctors appointment for that afternoon. I didn't just manage to get one appointment, I manage to a get two and having a double appointment meant I could get all my issues seen too. 

For the longest time now I have had this problem with my right shoulder, it's not the easiest thing to describe, I don't really get pain as such it's just really uncomfortable and it doesn't stay in the one place it goes down to the bicep. The best way to describe it is my shoulder is being pulled out of it's socket, I take paracetamol and dihydrocodiene but it doesn't seem to work and now I am at the point where I can't cope with it anymore plus it's taking it's toll on my mental health too. The GP did numerous things but he couldn't really say what it was, I had full range of mobility and more because I am hyper mobile. He decided to give me a prescription for diclofenac gel which I am concerned about using because it is a NSAID (anti-infammatory medication) and if you have Crohn's you are not suppose to use NSAID's. I did mention to him that people with IBD are not suppose to take NSAID's but he says as it's going on to the skin so it won't be absorbed into the body but I am still not a 100% sure if it is a good idea to use it. 



Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Thursday 16th March 2017

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Thursday 16th March 2017

Well what can I say it was a disastrous day.

Today I was suppose to have a dentist appointment because my top set of false teeth (dentures) doesn't fit properly but there was a family emergency which meant I couldn't get a lift. My grandma has had this cellulitis infection for a little bit now but she had to go to the doctor this morning and they wanted her to go into hospital urgently because the they thought she might have a deep vein thrombosis. As some of may know a deep vein thrombosis can be a life threatening problem so it was more important that my mum took my Grandma to the hospital instead of me to the dentist. I am glad to report though that the tests game back and she got all the clear which means a massive weight has been lifted.

I wish I could have said that was the worst part of my day but it wasn't. As many of you know I have dyspahgia (swallowing disorder) due to a Crohn's stricture in my oesophagus so for that reason I eat a pureed diet. Well for a while now I have been pureeing pot noodles in a small blender and they have always gone down with no problems until this evening. I was eating sweet and sour one and there was a piece of pepper that hadn't blended properly which is now lodged either at the top of my stricture or further down. I have had things get stuck before because that's what can happen when you have a stricture but I have never had an issue getting it to pass or come back up until tonight. I have tried so hard to make it come back up and I have tried drinking fizzy juice but the juice won't pass so I have to bring it back up too, at this point I am now out of ideas and all I can hope for is it moves by it's self. 

Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Losing my best friend

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Losing my best friend, October/November 2016

Well, well it's been a a while and so much has happened since October last year. 

Life has gone from losing my best friend (my cat), struggling with depression, adopting a new kitten, starting a new relationship and overcoming a number of hurdles. This blog post will be the first in a series of 3 which are going to be catch up posts and then after that I will be back to normal. 

Now let's go all the way back to October 2016. October has always been one of those months that I have hated because for some reason a lot of bad things happen in October, which I am not going to list because we would be here for a very long time.

In October my beautiful cat Snowball got sick with what we thought was just a cold but after a couple of weeks she wasn't getting better. Due to her not improving I decided to take her to the vet and they put her on medication to help her get better but Snowball didn't get better she just kept getting worse. Her breathing was noisy, she wasn't eating as much or really drinking either so we took Snowball back to the vet but there wasn't really anything they could do for her so an urgent referral was made to specialist vet. 

We were able to get her to the specialist quickly and at that initial appointment they decided that she would need a CT scan of her skull because they really wanted to have a look her nasal passages. So on Tuesday at 11am Snowball was dropped off and they did the CT scan which showed up a mass, which of course they decided to take a biopsy of to obviously find out what it was. Due to having Snowball's scan and biopsy done in the late afternoon they kept her in overnight and gave her fluids to rehydrated her so when she came home the following day she  was actually doing a bit better but it didn't last. 

By the Friday we had the results back from the scan and it was the worst news it could be, Snowball had an aggressive form of cancer. The scan had obviously shown the mass but it had also shown that it had eaten away at the bone as well and the vet had strong suspicions that it had spread to her spine because she was becoming very wobbly on her legs as well. 

I was absolutely heartbroken and I didn't want to lose my best friend but I had to do the right for her, she wasn't going to get any better, the cancer was just going to eat away at the rest of her skull, she was in pain, she couldn't eat, she couldn't drink and she wasn't going to be able to walk either. So the following day Saturday 12th of November I said goodbye to my best friend. 

"I am going to miss you more then words can say, you are my best friend, my baby, your the best cat that I could ask for. When I was sad you always do something funny, when I would cry you would lick the tears from my face, when I couldn't sleep you would always keep you company, you saved my life on many occasions. My heart is broken and I don't know what I am going to do without you."

I made the decision to have Snowball cremated so I have her ashes on my bookcase in a nice sunny spot because she loved to sunbathe. 

Well that is it for this post,sorry that is has been so long since my last one but I really did need a break. Take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Sunday 25th September

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Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
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Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Monday 3rd October 2016

Today has been one hell of a day and one that I wish I could just erase from my memory forever.

I don't think I mentioned in any of my previous posts but today I was suppose to go into hospital for a oesophgeal dilation and peg tube replacement but I ended up discharging myself about 5 1/2 hours after being admitted. 

The reason why I discharged myself from hospital was due to them having none of procedures that I was going in for booked which meant I had no idea how long I would have to sit there in hospital for, it could have been a week, 2 weeks, a month. 

For a number of years now the oesophageal dilations have been done under x-ray guidance due to them being unable to get the endoscopy scope and guide wire past the stricture's. At interventional radiology they have access to these teeny tiny balloons because they do procedure's like angioplasty and renal stents plus it is a safer way to do it because they use contrast and can see the whole area with there x-ray machine. The other thing was if they can’t the peg tube up my oesophagus then the only way to get it is out through surgery and we all know my past history with wound problems. I also won’t be getting the same tube as I have now either and this other tube is known to fall out sometimes. None of what was happening was explained to me before I went in so I was under the impression that I was going in and getting it done the next day under x-ray guidance. Due to me being bombarded with all this I had ended up having a breakdown and it also triggered suicidal thoughts so I just had to get out of there. One of my main triggers for my anxiety is not knowing when things are being done or not knowing what is going on so this ends up triggering anxiety/panic attacks, I have been very open with my anxiety and what triggers it but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Even though I am at home now I have still been having anxiety attacks which are getting less and thankfully the suicidal thoughts have stopped now. I have a really horrible feeling already that what has happened today has caused me to go backwards with the agoraphobia, only time will tell I suppose. 

Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜


previous post: Sunday 25th September

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube
my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads | steam | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

Sunday 25th Setember 2016

Today has been an absolute disaster for me. I was suppose to be going to Redwing Riding School for a few hours to spend time and groom the horses and ponies but my stomach decided that it was going to play up, sometimes I really think that it does it on purpose. I love the riding school that I am at but the toilets are quite far away from where the school actually is, it's maybe a mile that goes uphill slightly. My biggest fear like every other person with IBD is not being able to get to the toilet in time and with the way my anxiety is it would probably cause me to have a panic attack plus the amount of times I would have trek back and forth to the toilet would just be too much. The good news is there is a toilet going to be installed at the riding school so that means I will be able to spend some time there even if my stomach is just acting up a bit amount. 

Another thing that hasn't gone too well is my teeth. It's not all bad the bottom set is completely fine, I can speak normally and drink with them in but due to my oesophageal stricture's I am not eating with them in for fear that I choke myself, have to bring stuff back up and they end up in falling down the toilet, lol. The top set of teeth on the other hand does not want to stay in though which is a real pest. They stayed in fine the day that I got them but ever since then they will not stay in, I have even been using fixodent which is an adhesive but no success. My dentist told me that the set that was likely to cause me the most problems is the bottom one but as usual I never do things the easy way, I have a review appointment with the dentist next week so hopefully I can get it sorted out.  

One good thing did happen this week and that was I got my new glasses. I should have had my eyes tested many years ago but due to the agoraphobia I never did get them tested until 6 weeks ago. It didn't take 6 weeks for them to be ready it's just that my anxiety kept getting the better of me and it took me a while to overcome it. As it had been 6 years since I last got myself new frames I decided to treat myself to pair and this time I decided to try a new look. For a very long time now I have always gone with black rectangular type frames but this time I decided to add a bit of colour. 

This pair are by a Danish company called Kliik and the frames iare the 536 in the colour fuschia black. I don't know if this happens in other countries but a lot of opticians in the UK including the one that I went to do the buy one get one free, so I took full advantage of this and got myself a pair of sunglasses too. 

I honestly can not remember who these ones are made by but there is a name on the leg says Rowan.

Well that is it for this post and I am sorry that it is a long one but I had so much that I wanted to write about. 

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