Sunday 3rd January 2016

Just call me the New Year Scrooge. Words cannot describe how much I hate New Year!!!!!! I just don't see the point of it, maybe I would think differently if I didn't have all the health problems that I do. 

A new year is suppose to equal a fresh start but the start of a new year doesn't mean that all the shit that you were going through last year miraculously disappears when the clock strikes 12. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling this bad if I didn't have a small bowel study MRI book for the 8th of January. I am seriously dreading it because the last time I had one of these done it was an absolute nightmare. 

If having depression wasn't bad enough my guts have been playing up since boxing day. I am having pain in a different area to where I normally do and my ostomy seems to be really sluggish for some reason which is very unusual for my bowels. I am one of these people that has to take loperamide/imodium 4 times a day and even then I still have a high ostomy output. As well as the bowels my chest has decided that it wants to act up as well, I should be grateful though as it's been a long time since I had inflammation in my chest wall. 

The only good thing about these health problems is I have discovered a new tv show called Sons of Anarchey. There is 7 seasons on Netflix so that will keep be busy or should I say distract me from my demons for a while. 

Previous post: Sunday 27th December

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Sunday 27th December 2015

Christmas didn't exactly go how I wanted it too but I did make the best of it. If there is one thing I am good at then that is making the best of it.

So every year I normally dress up, do my hair and makeup but this year I just stayed in my Christmas pyjamas because I knew that I would have to take a couple of naps during the day. I received lots of lovely gifts from my family this year but my favourite one out of all of them was a Me To You bauble with Daughter With Love on it from my parents.

Everybody seemed to like the gifts that I gave them thank goodness. Every year I get worried and stressed out about gift shopping, when I ask people what they want for their Christmas they say they don't know and then there is also having to make sure that each persons gift comes to the same amount as everyone else.

This year my oeophageal stricture's allowed me to have Christmas dinner with the rest of my family. Turkey, sage and onion stuffing, pigs in blankets, potatoes, cranberry sauce and gravy puree really well so much so that I didn't have to add extra water (typically I have to add extra water to get the food to a smooth consistany). Unfortunatly I did have an issue on Boxing Day with the leftovers because I added way to much gravy and ended up with Christmas dinner soup. 

Chistmas evening was spent like it has been for the last few years, every year I have a nap after and then spend the evening in front of the tv and watch the Dr Who, Call the Midwife and Mrs Brown's Boys. 

So all in all this years Christmas has been a good one. 


Previous post: Sunday 20th December

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Thursday 24th December 2015

So all the plans that I mentioned in my last post didn't really happen thanks to the stupid fatigue. 

The fatigue wouldn't have been this bad if they hadn't cancelled my damn portacath procedure. If I got the port I would have received the much needed iron infusion, my energy levels would have been better and I could have done everything that I wanted to do. There was an incident that happened this week that could have had serious consequences and it was all due to me falling asleep because I was so tired. This week wasn't a complete bust though I did manage to make Christmas biscuits with my sister who has Down's Syndrome and wrap my Christmas presents

One of the worst things about me is I am my own worst enemy. I set myself unrealistic goals and then get so mad at myself when I don't achieve those goals. I may have been chronically ill for 16 years now but sometimes I still struggle to admit to being a sick person. 



Previous post: Sunday 20th December

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Sunday 20th December 2015

Well what can I say it's been a very long time since I last wrote an there has been so many reasons for that but those things are in the past and it's time to start a fresh.

So this weekend as been all about me putting my feet up and catching up on some much needed sleep because this coming week is Christmas week and that equals crazy week. My plans for this week so far are to make meatball stroganoff, fruity biscotti, gingerbread cupcakes with salted caramel icing, Christmas biscuits and to wrap all my presents. I know that I am biting off way more then I can chew with all this but I made a decision way back in 2010 to go all out for all of my favourite holiday's after being told in 2009 that I might not see Christmas. 

My plan is to make the meatball stroganoff on Monday and also go to Pet's at Home to get the last few things for this years Christmas donation to the Cat's Protection. Then from Tuesday to Thursday I plan to bake once a day and wrap some presents, my hope is that by doing this my body has to time to relax each day and maybe it won't have a total utter melt down. 


Previous post: I had to take a break from blogging

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Thursday 27th August 2015

Today I reached my breaking point and I couldn't do anymore physical things. My stomach, chest, back, arms and legs are all sore, I am so tired that I can't think straight and I can't go to the bathroom to pass urine because I am so dehydrated. I am trying to keep my mental health in check but it's hard when I feel like this. I just have to keep focused on the end goal, a brand new house in a place that I love to live and no more having to share a bathroom with 3 other people and if you are person with health issues that require you to use the bathroom a lot then you will understand how excited I am about this. 

Somebody asked me today if I was feeling sad about leaving this house and my honest answer is not really. The only thing that I am sad about is I won't have my good friends staying directly across the road from me. When we moved to this house I was 9 and my friends were 3 and 5, we have grown up together and the older we have gotten the closer we have grown because as you get older age difference doesn't really matter. With them living across the road I always knew that if I ever needed anything I could just pop across to their house and ask. Even though they are not going to be living across the road they live less then 5 minutes away.

Previous post -  Tuesday 25th August                                
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Tuesday 25th August 2015

I can't wait for this move to be over because I am now reaching my breaking point, I was struggling with fatigue before all this started but now it is the worst it has ever been. I am getting to sleep at night but when I wake up in the morning I feel like I haven't slept in days. I was suppose to go to the British Touring Cars at Knockhill this past Sunday but I made the decision not to go and as much as I HATED not going I know I made the right choice as a 17 hour day on top of everything that's going on I would probably have landed me in the hospital.

Even though I have a deadline to meet I am making sure to take some down time by reading a book and watching my favourite dvd's, Star Trek The Original Series. Something I have learnt over the past 15 years is that pushing yourself too much lands you in big trouble. 

Previous post -  Tuesday 18th August                                
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Saturday 8th August 2015

I have been struggling really badly with depression since Wednesday and it’s all due to our internet being cut off, how sad is that? I never realised how much speaking to other chronic illness warriors on Twitter and Facebook helped me, it definitely makes me feel less alone and isolated. There is something else that it has made me realise and that is I spend way too much time on sites like YouTube and World of Tanks. It needs to stop, I love to read and make things so I should be doing that instead of being on the internet all the time. When did I become one of these people who sits on the computer all the time? That’s right when the shit hit the fan and I became agoraphobic.

The final thing that having no internet has made me realise is I only have a couple of friends outwith the internet world. I can only blame myself for having no friends, I tend to avoid speaking to people because they always like to ask questions like how are you doing and honestly that is my most hated question because try as they might people without a chronic illness do not understand what we go through. People like myself with Crohn’s will never get better unless there is a cure and even if there is a cure the damage has already been done to our bodies.

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Friday 17th July 2015

So there are two main things happening with me at the moment can you guess what they are? If you guessed Crohn’s problems and anxiety then you would be right. The last thing that I need now is worsening health problems because I need to go through all my stuff and get it packed up for moving in 6 week’s time.  

My main issues at the moment are fevers and really bad fatigue. The fevers aren’t too big of an issue for me because they happen so much these days and usually after a couple of doses of paracetamol it settles down but when it comes to fatigue there is no medication to make it better.

I decided to treat myself to some new books this week because when we move house in August we are going to be without internet for a while which means I am going to have plenty time on my hands because I will not be able to work on any of my blogs. I purchased 5 books with 4 of them being fantasy books as I am trying to broaden my horizons when it comes to the types of books that I read. 

I mainly read what you would call Chick-lit books but when I am on goodreads or book tube (YouTube channels about books) I see so many people raving and recommending fantasy books so they must be worth reading.

Previous post -  Saturday 5th July                                
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Saturday 5th July 2015

So I am finally able to tell you all that I am going to be moving house at the end of August, woohoo!!!!! 

I am still going to be living with my parents but hey what can you do when you are chronically ill and unemployed. I know that I sometimes complain about living at home with my parents but I honestly think I wouldn't be able to cope living by myself because on my sick days I can hardly do anything and it takes me all my time to go to the loo or take my medication when I am like that. I also don't think I would be happy living in on my own, as much as I love peace and quiet I am also one of these people who has to have some face to face interaction every day because if I don't those lonely feelings start to kick in. 

I have decided that I am going to treat this moving house like a fresh start. I have lived in this current house since I was 9 years old, I was living in this house when diagnosed with Crohn's and when I was at my sickest so there is a lot of bad memories here but there is some good memories too so it will be sad to leave. 

The thing that I most looking forward to about moving is my bedroom has an en-suite which is frickin awesome. Every house I have lived in since I was born has only had one bathroom and if you are a fellow IBDer you will understand how much of a problem this is but it will be a problem no more after August. 

Previous post -  Monday 15th June                                 
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