Wednesday 20th March 2019

So today was the important surgical appointment. I don't know what happened but the anxiety that I have been having about this appointment completely disappeared, I don't know how it happened but it did which was amazing. It was a good thing my anxiety was gone because the doctor was running over an hour late and I think if my anxiety had been as bad as it normally had been I would have walked out of that clinic.

So after an hour of waiting I finally got seen by the consultant. I have met most of the surgical consultants at my hospital but not this one, she seems really nice though and reminds me of the surgeon that did my previous operations so that's good. The one thing that sucked about this appointment is I had to wait over an hour for 5 minutes with her. To be honest there really isn't much she can do apart from look at it as there is so much over granulation tissue now that it's covered the actually wound opening, even if she could see the opening she can't see what's going on in the inside and the number 1 suspect in what caused this  wound thing is an abscess so she really needs to see whats going on in the inside.

Due to not being not being able to see what's going on the surgeon who I am going to name Miss S has decided the 1st thing that needs to be done is a pelvic MRI and once they get the results they will decide if a small bowel study MRI is required. I really hope that I don't need one of those because the Klean prep that they give you makes me really, really, really unwell and by that I mean violently sick and poop for Scotland because the prep is actually a laxative. After the MRI is done Miss S will be doing surgery to clean up the wound so the healing process will begin again. I honestly don't know how they can take away anymore skin and tissue because they took so much away the first time round, I actually did wonder if it reopened due to the skin being too tight but no one has ever mentioned that could have been the cause.

Another thing I got told today was if I start bleeding again I have to go to A and E and get seen because the last thing Miss S wants is for me to pass out but the problem is I really don't want to have to go. The issue with going to A and E is it will be a waste of their time and mine because there really isn't much they can do and surgeons won't do surgery because what I have really isn't an urgent thing. I suppose right now all I can do is wait and I hate waiting.

Well that's it for today's post, I hope you enjoyed reading the post. I am already working on a draft for my next post so everything being well you should be able to read it by the end of this week but until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

A prefect time to restart this blog

Hello there all you wonderful people, it's been a very long time since I posted something on here and I am sorry about that.

Sooooooooooooo you may be wondering why it has been so long since you last saw a post from me and the reason for that was my depression and anxiety, it was really bad and I let it take control of my life. Thankfully though my mental health is better then it was and the desire to write blog posts has returned plus with upcoming events I thought now would be the perfect time to start blogging again.

Well that's it for today's post, I know it's a short one but I have to start working on my next post which will be live on my blog in the next few days so keep your eyes peeled for that. Until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

I am broken

Hello there everyone, it's been a very long time since I last wrote a blog post and there has been a reason for that and I am sure that some of you can guess by the title what has been happening.

I have been suffering from depression for a number of years but last year it started to get  a lot worse and instead of asking for help again I just let it get worse and worse and a couple of weeks ago I reached my breaking point and had to get an emergency appointment with a G.P. as I was having thoughts of it would be better not to live plus many more symptoms.

• lack of energy which I originally put down to anaemia but apparently lack of energy is one of the symptoms
• feeling tired which again I put down to anaemia and medication I was taking
• getting agitated when around people
• not wanting to spend time with others
• shutting myself in my bedroom
• using dihydrocodiene to help numb the emotional pain
• finding it hard to cope with with everyday things including simple things
• not enjoying what I normally enjoy doing
• not looking after myself properly e.g food
• having thoughts it would be easier not to live
• trouble sleeping because I can't relax or switch my brain off
• not being able to stay asleep
• not being able to concentrate
• feeling that i have failed in life
• fear of something going wrong when out of the house that makes me land in hospital
• Scared that I become ill after say a trip away (this one and the one above are more related to anxiety)

I think the worst thing is I have all these symptoms despite being on 3 medications to help with my mental health and I am on 4 when I am really bad. The 3 medications that I take everyday are maximum dose citalopram which is an SSRI anti-depressant, a low dose 25mg of quetiapine which is used as anti-depressant also and maximum dose propranolol which is used for anxiety. You really would think with the amount of medication that I wouldn't be suffering with depression and anxiety so bad.

So the plan for the moment is to see the urgent care mental health team so they can review the medication I take and put some support in place to help me make improvements. I have been told that the improvements will be slow but any improvement is better then the way the life is right now.

I do have this massive bucket type list which I prefer to call my to do list ,which has all these big plans but I will tell you the smaller things I use to and want to get back to doing first.

• pc gaming 
• streaming on twitch 
• being with and riding horses 
• blogging
• cooking
• baking
• crafting
• reading books and comics
• going to the cinema
• going to concerts
• spending more time with animals

I think that is everything for this blog post. I am sure once I post it I will remember I forgot to write something else. I will try my very best to document my journey to getting better but with the way my depression is I sadly can't promise anything.

I hope you all are doing well and until next time................

Keep strong

and 

Keep fighting

💓💙💚💛💜 

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+
youtube | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group

I'm back

Well hello there it's been a very long time since I last posted on here and I am sorry about that but for some reason I just couldn't write a blog post. I have no idea why it happened it wasn't like I didn't have any ideas I just couldn't write things down and when I did force myself to write a blog post it just didn't make any sense.

I am pleased to announce that I have got my blogging mojo back and my brain is brimming with ideas so that means there will be new blog posts coming your way on all my of blogs.

Well that's it for today's post I know it's a short one but I just wanted to let you all know that you will be seeing new blog posts in the future so until next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

Wednesday 27th December 2017

Well today has been one those days where I needed to take care of the essentials, these are not my favourite type of days but they need to be done to so I can have better health. Better health = being able to do everything I want.

So today was an early start as I had appointment at the health centre to get bloods done at 8.40am. Before Christmas I phoned the IBD nurse because my anemia has got so bad that I can no longer wait for the portacath to be placed. I have tried to take the Ferrous Fumarate tablets that they have always prescribed in the past but my stomach and bowels does not like them tablets at all.

With it being the week between Christmas and New Year people didn't want to see the doctor so I managed to score myself a doctors appointment for that afternoon. I didn't just manage to get one appointment, I manage to a get two and having a double appointment meant I could get all my issues seen too. 

For the longest time now I have had this problem with my right shoulder, it's not the easiest thing to describe, I don't really get pain as such it's just really uncomfortable and it doesn't stay in the one place it goes down to the bicep. The best way to describe it is my shoulder is being pulled out of it's socket, I take paracetamol and dihydrocodiene but it doesn't seem to work and now I am at the point where I can't cope with it anymore plus it's taking it's toll on my mental health too. The GP did numerous things but he couldn't really say what it was, I had full range of mobility and more because I am hyper mobile. He decided to give me a prescription for diclofenac gel which I am concerned about using because it is a NSAID (anti-infammatory medication) and if you have Crohn's you are not suppose to use NSAID's. I did mention to him that people with IBD are not suppose to take NSAID's but he says as it's going on to the skin so it won't be absorbed into the body but I am still not a 100% sure if it is a good idea to use it. 



Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Thursday 16th March 2017

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | discord | google+ | youtube
my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads | steam | twitch

Thursday 16th March 2017

Well what can I say it was a disastrous day.

Today I was suppose to have a dentist appointment because my top set of false teeth (dentures) doesn't fit properly but there was a family emergency which meant I couldn't get a lift. My grandma has had this cellulitis infection for a little bit now but she had to go to the doctor this morning and they wanted her to go into hospital urgently because the they thought she might have a deep vein thrombosis. As some of may know a deep vein thrombosis can be a life threatening problem so it was more important that my mum took my Grandma to the hospital instead of me to the dentist. I am glad to report though that the tests game back and she got all the clear which means a massive weight has been lifted.

I wish I could have said that was the worst part of my day but it wasn't. As many of you know I have dyspahgia (swallowing disorder) due to a Crohn's stricture in my oesophagus so for that reason I eat a pureed diet. Well for a while now I have been pureeing pot noodles in a small blender and they have always gone down with no problems until this evening. I was eating sweet and sour one and there was a piece of pepper that hadn't blended properly which is now lodged either at the top of my stricture or further down. I have had things get stuck before because that's what can happen when you have a stricture but I have never had an issue getting it to pass or come back up until tonight. I have tried so hard to make it come back up and I have tried drinking fizzy juice but the juice won't pass so I have to bring it back up too, at this point I am now out of ideas and all I can hope for is it moves by it's self. 

Well that is it for this post, take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Losing my best friend

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube
my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads | steam | twitch

Losing my best friend, October/November 2016

Well, well it's been a a while and so much has happened since October last year. 

Life has gone from losing my best friend (my cat), struggling with depression, adopting a new kitten, starting a new relationship and overcoming a number of hurdles. This blog post will be the first in a series of 3 which are going to be catch up posts and then after that I will be back to normal. 

Now let's go all the way back to October 2016. October has always been one of those months that I have hated because for some reason a lot of bad things happen in October, which I am not going to list because we would be here for a very long time.

In October my beautiful cat Snowball got sick with what we thought was just a cold but after a couple of weeks she wasn't getting better. Due to her not improving I decided to take her to the vet and they put her on medication to help her get better but Snowball didn't get better she just kept getting worse. Her breathing was noisy, she wasn't eating as much or really drinking either so we took Snowball back to the vet but there wasn't really anything they could do for her so an urgent referral was made to specialist vet. 

We were able to get her to the specialist quickly and at that initial appointment they decided that she would need a CT scan of her skull because they really wanted to have a look her nasal passages. So on Tuesday at 11am Snowball was dropped off and they did the CT scan which showed up a mass, which of course they decided to take a biopsy of to obviously find out what it was. Due to having Snowball's scan and biopsy done in the late afternoon they kept her in overnight and gave her fluids to rehydrated her so when she came home the following day she  was actually doing a bit better but it didn't last. 

By the Friday we had the results back from the scan and it was the worst news it could be, Snowball had an aggressive form of cancer. The scan had obviously shown the mass but it had also shown that it had eaten away at the bone as well and the vet had strong suspicions that it had spread to her spine because she was becoming very wobbly on her legs as well. 

I was absolutely heartbroken and I didn't want to lose my best friend but I had to do the right for her, she wasn't going to get any better, the cancer was just going to eat away at the rest of her skull, she was in pain, she couldn't eat, she couldn't drink and she wasn't going to be able to walk either. So the following day Saturday 12th of November I said goodbye to my best friend. 

"I am going to miss you more then words can say, you are my best friend, my baby, your the best cat that I could ask for. When I was sad you always do something funny, when I would cry you would lick the tears from my face, when I couldn't sleep you would always keep you company, you saved my life on many occasions. My heart is broken and I don't know what I am going to do without you."

I made the decision to have Snowball cremated so I have her ashes on my bookcase in a nice sunny spot because she loved to sunbathe. 

Well that is it for this post,sorry that is has been so long since my last one but I really did need a break. Take care everyone and til next time keep strong and keep fighting. 💗💙💚💛💜

previous post: Sunday 25th September

You can also follow me on 

twitter | facebook | instagram | google+ | youtube
my facebook group | pinterest | goodreads | steam | twitch


Groups I have set up for my chronically ill family
The IBD family facebook group
Spoonie bookworms goodreads group
Spoonie warrior gamers steam group
Chronically ill and disabled equestrian's facebook group