Thursday 24th December 2015

So all the plans that I mentioned in my last post didn't really happen thanks to the stupid fatigue. 

The fatigue wouldn't have been this bad if they hadn't cancelled my damn portacath procedure. If I got the port I would have received the much needed iron infusion, my energy levels would have been better and I could have done everything that I wanted to do. There was an incident that happened this week that could have had serious consequences and it was all due to me falling asleep because I was so tired. This week wasn't a complete bust though I did manage to make Christmas biscuits with my sister who has Down's Syndrome and wrap my Christmas presents

One of the worst things about me is I am my own worst enemy. I set myself unrealistic goals and then get so mad at myself when I don't achieve those goals. I may have been chronically ill for 16 years now but sometimes I still struggle to admit to being a sick person. 



Previous post: Sunday 20th December

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Sunday 20th December 2015

Well what can I say it's been a very long time since I last wrote an there has been so many reasons for that but those things are in the past and it's time to start a fresh.

So this weekend as been all about me putting my feet up and catching up on some much needed sleep because this coming week is Christmas week and that equals crazy week. My plans for this week so far are to make meatball stroganoff, fruity biscotti, gingerbread cupcakes with salted caramel icing, Christmas biscuits and to wrap all my presents. I know that I am biting off way more then I can chew with all this but I made a decision way back in 2010 to go all out for all of my favourite holiday's after being told in 2009 that I might not see Christmas. 

My plan is to make the meatball stroganoff on Monday and also go to Pet's at Home to get the last few things for this years Christmas donation to the Cat's Protection. Then from Tuesday to Thursday I plan to bake once a day and wrap some presents, my hope is that by doing this my body has to time to relax each day and maybe it won't have a total utter melt down. 


Previous post: I had to take a break from blogging

Next post: Thursday 24th December         

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I had to take a break

Hello my fellow warrior's, I hope you are all having a good day. 

As you may have noticed there has been no blog posts for a while and I want to apologise for that but I really had to take a break. I have develop more physical health problems (which I will do a blog post on) and I have also been struggling with my mental health. For some reason every year my depression is at it's worst in the Autumn months and despite being on anti-depressant medication I still struggle to find a reason to continue with my life.

Now with the Autumn months behind me the depression should start to get better and I hope to resume blogging this month. I do have some posts that I wrote way back in August which will be posted within the next week so keep yours eye peeled for those.

Well that's all I have to say really, thank you for reading this post and I love you all.  

Thursday 27th August 2015

Today I reached my breaking point and I couldn't do anymore physical things. My stomach, chest, back, arms and legs are all sore, I am so tired that I can't think straight and I can't go to the bathroom to pass urine because I am so dehydrated. I am trying to keep my mental health in check but it's hard when I feel like this. I just have to keep focused on the end goal, a brand new house in a place that I love to live and no more having to share a bathroom with 3 other people and if you are person with health issues that require you to use the bathroom a lot then you will understand how excited I am about this. 

Somebody asked me today if I was feeling sad about leaving this house and my honest answer is not really. The only thing that I am sad about is I won't have my good friends staying directly across the road from me. When we moved to this house I was 9 and my friends were 3 and 5, we have grown up together and the older we have gotten the closer we have grown because as you get older age difference doesn't really matter. With them living across the road I always knew that if I ever needed anything I could just pop across to their house and ask. Even though they are not going to be living across the road they live less then 5 minutes away.

Previous post -  Tuesday 25th August                                
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Tuesday 25th August 2015

I can't wait for this move to be over because I am now reaching my breaking point, I was struggling with fatigue before all this started but now it is the worst it has ever been. I am getting to sleep at night but when I wake up in the morning I feel like I haven't slept in days. I was suppose to go to the British Touring Cars at Knockhill this past Sunday but I made the decision not to go and as much as I HATED not going I know I made the right choice as a 17 hour day on top of everything that's going on I would probably have landed me in the hospital.

Even though I have a deadline to meet I am making sure to take some down time by reading a book and watching my favourite dvd's, Star Trek The Original Series. Something I have learnt over the past 15 years is that pushing yourself too much lands you in big trouble. 

Previous post -  Tuesday 18th August                                
                                                                                                Next post - Tuesday 27th August

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Tuesday 18th August 2015

It’s 3am in the morning so it’s technically Wednesday not Tuesday, I can’t get to sleep and I can’t concentrate on my book because I cannot switch off my brain. I am still struggling with my physical health as well as my mental health and my stress levels are going through the roof because I don’t what the right thing to do is.  

Phoning the GI doctors is probably the right thing to do but if the pelvic and hip pain is just being caused by the adhesions then there is nothing they can really do for them. If I was to go into hospital then I can’t pack and sort stuff out for moving in a week and a halves time. I know I live with my parents and they could pack for me but they have their own things to do, it’s not just the packing though there is Snowball to think about as well. We have made the decision to put her in the cattery from Friday morning to the Sunday morning but I really want to be here for her when she comes home, I hope that she does not become too stressed.


Previous post -  Sunday 16th August                                
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Sunday 16th August 2015

So my health has decided that it wants to cause even more problems than it normally does. Originally I put it down to hormones because I always feel icky when I get those times of the months but I think there might be something else going on even people, are starting to notice which is saying something. Over the years I have become very good at hiding how ill I am (thank god I for makeup) but it’s really hard to hide glassy, staring eyes.

Today the cramps have been quite low down in my stomach and it feels like I always need to go to the loo to pass urine even though I have just been. I have been taking my normal pain medication but it doesn’t help lessen the pain, thankfully heat does help so I think I will be spending a lot of time in the bath and have my heating pad on full blast.

Previous post -  Tuesday 11th August                                
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