Today I reached my breaking point and I couldn't do anymore physical things. My stomach, chest, back, arms and legs are all sore, I am so tired that I can't think straight and I can't go to the bathroom to pass urine because I am so dehydrated. I am trying to keep my mental health in check but it's hard when I feel like this. I just have to keep focused on the end goal, a brand new house in a place that I love to live and no more having to share a bathroom with 3 other people and if you are person with health issues that require you to use the bathroom a lot then you will understand how excited I am about this.
Somebody asked me today if I was feeling sad about leaving this house and my honest answer is not really. The only thing that I am sad about is I won't have my good friends staying directly across the road from me. When we moved to this house I was 9 and my friends were 3 and 5, we have grown up together and the older we have gotten the closer we have grown because as you get older age difference doesn't really matter. With them living across the road I always knew that if I ever needed anything I could just pop across to their house and ask. Even though they are not going to be living across the road they live less then 5 minutes away.
Previous post - Tuesday 25th August
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Thursday, 22 October 2015
Thursday, 15 October 2015
Tuesday 25th August 2015
I can't wait for this move to be over because I am now reaching my breaking point, I was struggling with fatigue before all this started but now it is the worst it has ever been. I am getting to sleep at night but when I wake up in the morning I feel like I haven't slept in days. I was suppose to go to the British Touring Cars at Knockhill this past Sunday but I made the decision not to go and as much as I HATED not going I know I made the right choice as a 17 hour day on top of everything that's going on I would probably have landed me in the hospital.
Even though I have a deadline to meet I am making sure to take some down time by reading a book and watching my favourite dvd's, Star Trek The Original Series. Something I have learnt over the past 15 years is that pushing yourself too much lands you in big trouble.
Previous post - Tuesday 18th August
Next post - Tuesday 27th August
Even though I have a deadline to meet I am making sure to take some down time by reading a book and watching my favourite dvd's, Star Trek The Original Series. Something I have learnt over the past 15 years is that pushing yourself too much lands you in big trouble.
Previous post - Tuesday 18th August
Next post - Tuesday 27th August
Wednesday, 7 October 2015
Tuesday 18th August 2015
It’s 3am in the morning so it’s
technically Wednesday not Tuesday, I can’t get to sleep and I can’t concentrate
on my book because I cannot switch off my brain. I am still struggling with my
physical health as well as my mental health and my stress levels are going
through the roof because I don’t what the right thing to do is.
Previous post - Sunday 16th August
Next post - Tuesday 25th August
Monday, 28 September 2015
Sunday 16th August 2015
So my health has decided that it
wants to cause even more problems than it normally does. Originally I put it
down to hormones because I always feel icky when I get those times of the
months but I think there might be something else going on even people, are
starting to notice which is saying something. Over the years I have become very good
at hiding how ill I am (thank god I for makeup) but it’s really hard to hide glassy, staring eyes.
Today the cramps have been quite low
down in my stomach and it feels like I always need to go to the loo to pass
urine even though I have just been. I have been taking my normal pain
medication but it doesn’t help lessen the pain, thankfully heat does help so I
think I will be spending a lot of time in the bath and have my heating pad on
full blast.
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Tuesday, 22 September 2015
Tuesday 11th August 2015
So it’s been a week since our phone and
broadband was cut off and it doesn’t look like it will be switched back on
anytime soon despite my mother phoning them every day. It’s really ridiculous
how my parents have been treated by this service provider; they have been with this company for 35 years
and never missed a payment. My mum even explained to them how I had multiple
health problems and require access to a phone at all times because if my health
deteriorates I need to get in touch with the hospital, GP or even an ambulance
ASAP but even that didn’t seem to make a difference.
It really is going to be a bummer
that our internet won’t be back up and running before we move as I had planned
to write a number of posts for my Being A Chronically Beautiful Girl and A
Crohn’s Life blogs and then schedule them to upload when we moved because it
will likely take a wee while for the internet to be set up in the new house.
All I can really do now is write down the drafts on paper and when we get the
broadband back type them up and post them.
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Wednesday, 16 September 2015
Saturday 8th August 2015
I have been struggling really badly
with depression since Wednesday and it’s all due to our internet being cut off,
how sad is that? I never realised how much speaking to other chronic illness
warriors on Twitter and Facebook helped me, it definitely makes me feel less alone and isolated. There is something else that it has
made me realise and that is I spend way too much time on sites like YouTube and
World of Tanks. It needs to stop, I love to read and make things so I should be doing that instead of being on the internet all the time. When did I become one of
these people who sits on the computer all the time? That’s right when the shit
hit the fan and I became agoraphobic.
The final thing that having
no internet has made me realise is I only have a couple of friends outwith the internet world. I
can only blame myself for having no friends, I tend to avoid speaking to people
because they always like to ask questions like how are you doing and honestly
that is my most hated question because try as they might people without a
chronic illness do not understand what we go through. People like myself with Crohn’s will never get better unless there is a cure and even if there is a
cure the damage has already been done to our bodies.
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Wednesday, 9 September 2015
Friday 17th July 2015
So there are two main things
happening with me at the moment can you guess what they are? If you guessed
Crohn’s problems and anxiety then you would be right. The last thing that I
need now is worsening health problems because I need to go through all my stuff
and get it packed up for moving in 6 week’s time.
My main issues at the moment are
fevers and really bad fatigue. The fevers aren’t too big of an issue for me because
they happen so much these days and usually after a couple of doses of
paracetamol it settles down but when it comes to fatigue there is no medication
to make it better.
I decided to treat myself to some new
books this week because when we move house in August we are going to be without
internet for a while which means I am going to have plenty time on my hands
because I will not be able to work on any of my blogs. I purchased 5 books with
4 of them being fantasy books as I am trying to broaden my horizons when it
comes to the types of books that I read.
I mainly read what you would call Chick-lit
books but when I am on goodreads or book tube (YouTube channels about books) I
see so many people raving and recommending fantasy books so they must be worth
reading.
Previous post - Saturday 5th July
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