I took the plunge today and ordered 2 wigs. I don't actually think I have ever mentioned this before but guess what! Crohn's has also made me loose a lot of my hair, this illness is a big bitch, it's classed as a digestive disorder so why can't it just effect my digestive system only. Sorry, I totally got off the hair loss subject there.
Okay so back on to my hair, I can only remember one time that my hair was really thin like this and that was when I had the large bowel abscess, active Crohn's disease in every part of my digestive track and was severely malnourished. I am not really sure why it has got this thin again but it has so this time round I have decided to buy a wig. It's taking me about month to make the decision to buy a wig because I didn't want to admit to myself that my hair was that bad and I was that sick again because as you all know by now I don't class myself as sick person and I never want any special treatment. Sorry I have gotten off tangent again. The more I thought about the wigs I started to think they are a really good idea. I love the whole bright coloured hair but I have never had the courage to dye it bright because a) my hair probably wouldn't cope with the bleaching process and b) I change my mind every day because I am such indecisive person, so if I get a few wigs that means that I can alternate my hair colour everyday.
I was originally going to a wig that was over £80 but when I told my mum of my plans she said that maybe I should buy a cheaper wig to start with because what if I didn't like it and I ended up spending all that money on something that would only be used once. Of course she is right so I have went onto a few websites and I finally decided on these two.
I decided on neutral ones to start with because they are the ones that I will probably get the most use out of, the 2nd one is actually really like my own hair. I really do hope they will be okay because some wigs can look really crap.
Previous post - Monday 23rd February
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So over the weekend I developed more pain which really sucks because my mood has continued to improve over the weekend.
The Crohn's in my bowel has decided that it wants to start acting up so now I have sore fingers and a sore stomach, how fun! #sarcasm. Normally when I get a flare up the pain is in my pelvis but this pain is further up beside my belly button and I also have a feeling that I might have stricture somewhere because I have had some changes in my ostomy output which would coincide with a stricture. On Saturday I also had really bad pain in my bones and muscles to the point that it even hurt to yawn, thankfully though the pain improved through the day.
On Sunday my parents were having a bit of a clear out and in the things they were clearing out was my old riding hat.
Finding my riding hat has brought back a lot of good memories, it reminds me of a happier time before all these stupid medical problems and complications happened. I have to admit though finding this hat made me kind of sad as well because I really do miss it. I have contemplated booking myself some riding lessons but due to the amount of pain that I suffer in pelvis, the issues that I have had with the wound at my tail end and the problems with my legs I have never booked one. The thing is I know for certain that horse riding would help with the depression because it's something I enjoy, being out in the fresh air would be good for me and as far as I am concerned anything that involves one of my favourite animals will lift my mood considerable.
Previous post - Friday 20th February
Next post - Wednesday 23rd February
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I am still battling with the depression but I would say that it is a little bit better now, I really hope it continues to get better but I don't want to get my hopes up too much just yet.
Over the past few days I have noticed that I have been developing a lot of pain in my hands which is not good for a blogger or a crafter. Now this will sound weird but it's kind of good that I have pain in fingers because I have been wondering recently if I had nerve damage in my fingers. For many years now I have had raynaud's phenomenon so I would say that I have never had normal feeling in my extremities but I would say for the last month the numbness has become worse and I find it hard to do fiddly things but having this pain means I can't have that much nerve damage.
This week I finally got round to buying myself a new blender and a juicer.
I have been meaning to buy these things for a long time because the current blender that I have is really struggling with the pureeing but I must say for a cheap blender it has done really well, this time round I have gone for a more expensive one. The one that I have purchased has more power and it crush's ice so I thought this one would be more suitable for pureeing. As I was buying a blender from John Lewis I thought I might as well get a juicer at the same time, buying this juicer will hopefully help me to get extra vitamins into my body as it's always such a struggle for me to get enough vitamins with all the problems that I have.
Previous post - Tuesday 17th February
Next post - Monday 23rd February
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So it's been 2 weeks since I last wrote a diary entry because I am struggling really bad with depression. I know that you are probably all sick of hearing about my depression but this blog is about my life and depression is part of my life even though I don't want it to be.
January is always one of those months were my depression is noticeably worse but we are now more then half way through February and I do not feel any better. When I am suffering this bad with depression it is extremely hard for me to function so I am really bad at looking after myself because I honestly get to the point where I do not care. I really do try my hardest to do at least one productive thing, which is normally to make pureed food for myself but that doesn't always happen and I will go a few days with out eating properly.
I really do wish I knew why these extremely bad periods of depression keep happening especially when I take anti depressants. The mind is a really complicated thing so I probably will never know what causes it, I just wish there was a cure for depression.
Previous post - Tuesday 3rd February
Next post - Friday 20th February
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It has been a little while since I last wrote because I ended up getting a stupid cold which in turn set off a Crohn's flare but today was my birthday so nothing to bring down my mood.
This year I turned the grand old age of 27 which sounds like a really nice age to me, if I could stop aging now then that would be great, lol. Each year I normally have to buy my own birthday gifts but this year I didn't have to which was nice because I always love to get a surprise when I open my presents.
Of course a birthday wouldn't be complete without a birthday cake and this year I managed to eat 2 slices of cake :)
I honestly thought that I would not be able to eat any cake this year because at the moment I only seem to be able to eat thin pureed food with no lumps at all but I was really careful when I ate the slices so it went down with no major problems.
Previous post - Thursday 22nd January
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So I have made a big decision and a lot of people will think I am mad but I don't care one little bit because I am doing this for my own happiness nobody else's.
As mentioned in the previous post you will remember me saying that I thought my disgusting teeth or should I say that they are! one of the triggers for my depression and agoraphobia, well I have made decision to have them all removed and get myself a full set of false teeth. I have always been one of those people who has struggled with body confidence over the years but thankfully as I have gotten older I struggle less with the body confidence issues. I actually consider myself to be very lucky is some aspects, I have lovely skin and I have a pretty decent stomach considering I have had operations on it but these teeth I cannot stand to look at them.
I have explained this decision to my family and they are very supportive so all I need to do now is find a dentist that will remove the ones that I have left because I have a funny feeling that my current dentist will say no. The dentist that I have at moment always tries to repair my teeth which I don't want and if I do need any removed or should I say roots removed he sends me to the maxillofacial unit at the hospital as he classes me as high risk patient because of all my medical problems. When I have had some teeth "roots" removed at hospital there has never been any issues because I always get a course of antibiotics and antibacterial mouthwash so I don't see why can't he just removed them.
Previous post - Sunday 18th January
Next post - Thursday 3rd February
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I am really, really, really sorry that I have fallen so far behind with my blog posts but I have been dealing with some personal problems that I am not ready to disclose yet and as well as that I have also been sick. :(
Last night was a bad night because depression hit me really hard once again. I normally find it hard to pin point what exactly causes the episodes of depression but this time I have a good idea why.
Number 1 on the list of causes is my teeth. My teeth are absolutely disgusting and I have to say that they are probably one of the main causes of my agoraphobia. Over the past 15 years my poor health, bouts of malnutrition and bad genes has led me to have major teeth issues, every single one of my teeth are rotten and I am currently missing 3 teeth soon to be 4 as one of them is a bit wobbly.
Number 2 on the list is not being able to see my favourite bands. On Thursday (15th Jan) tickets for the Fall Out Boy UK show's went on sale and as per normal my local venue is standing only which of course is not any use to me because I cannot stand for long periods of times. Now don't get me wrong I totally understand why people want to stand but it is extremely unfair for those who love music but can't go to see their favourite bands because there is no seating. Another concert that I wanted to go to was The Script but the only seating that is available is for disabled people. I may have multiple illnesses but I have never classed myself as being disabled plus my illnesses invisible so unless I pull up my shirt then you can't tell that I have medical problems. To me it feels wrong to buy disabled tickets but then I always think to myself how am I ever going to get to concert's at my local venue?
Previous post - Tuesday 12th January
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